Okay. So I’m a big supporter of cosplayers of all shapes and sizes being able to cosplay whatever they want. So, theoretically, I shouldn’t have a problem cosplaying whatever I want.
Except I want to cosplay this:
Even if I was skinny again, I wouldn’t want to do the crop top and hot pants. I plan on using a corset and regular pants and sticking to the rest of the design as best as I’m able.
But I do want to be thinner than I am now to do this cosplay in September. So the question is: Do I try to lose weight just for a cosplay when I’m constantly telling people they shouldn’t worry about what size they are when choosing to cosplay? I feel like something of a hypocrite.
I still believe that fans should be able to cosplay whatever their hearts desire. And my fan heart wants to cosplay this character. I just don’t know if I can lose the weight. Or any of it.
Every time I’ve tried in the last couple of years, I’ve failed miserably. In fact, I seem to keep creeping up there even when I try to do right. I lose hope when I make no progress, and I eat worse because I have given up hope. It doesn’t help matters that I’m too exhausted to exercise when I get home from work. Oh, and there’s the whole cosplay thing. I’ve still got stuff to finish for Phoenix Comicon (less than two weeks!)…
I think that, despite my espousing of the importance of positive self-image in the cosplay community, I’m going to try to lose at least some of the weight that I’ve put on. Try being the operative word.
Maybe all I need to motivate myself is a little Magik.
It’s coming to the end of the year, and as I look at my resolution list I’m both proud and disappointed.
I not only completed the first draft of my novel; I published it as well. I exercised more (not much more, but more than last year). I published a few short stories and flash fiction stories. I sold a few art pieces. And I did more cosplay.
Some of the other resolutions, however, were less than successful.
I gained more weight than I wanted to lose. I didn’t get the tattoo that I wanted, but that’s a trivial thing. And thus far, my marketing sucks.
I’ll try for more realistic goals next year. Perhaps another rough draft? Developing an exercise routine? Who knows. I have a couple of weeks to figure it out.
Okay, so after more than a week of severe knee pain, I finally asked my doctor for a referral to an orthopedist. Now I wake up with the pain much more in the mild to moderate range, and I feel a little silly.
Do I still keep the appointment if my doctor can get me in with the specialist? I mean, I still have osteoarthritis in my knees. That’s not going to go away. And if I can’t get my weight back under control I’m still putting unnecessary pressure on them.
I really have to make and stick to a lifestyle change. Eat less. Eat better. Exercise more. Get un-fat.
It humiliates me that I’ve let myself go to the point where it’s seriously affecting my health. I keep telling myself that I’m going to eventually lose the weight, but it keeps creeping up. Granted, even though I’m almost 230 pounds (according to the electric scale at the doctor’s office last week), I’m also 5’10”, so I don’t look as fat as I am. Except for the damn belly. I hate that I look pregnant all the time.
Keep track of your health, folks. I let myself go, and it resulted in extreme pain that could have been avoided. I’m going to take it easier on my walks, but I’m still going to walk. I have to get healthy. I finally got the rheumatoid pain mostly under control; I can’t let this osteoarthritis beat me.
Today marks the start of another work week full of walking, standing, sitting, stooping–basically all the things my knees are currently opposed to doing.
I’ve got to keep going, though. I can’t just call out because my knees are sore. I went to the doctor last Friday and found there was no injury and no rheumatoid activity (my knees have osteoarthritis, which shows up different on x-rays), so I have no excuse to call out. It would have been nice for the doctor to give me some kind of medicine to help with the pain instead of just doing a quick range of motion check in the exam room and getting some x-rays. Not that I’m trying to be a drug hoarder. I just want to be free from pain for a little while.
The only thing he really gave me for the pain is a lecture on being overweight and taking more walks to try to lose that extra weight. Thanks, doc. That’s kind of what I was trying to do when I hurt my knees. Way to make a patient feel bad for trying to do the right thing.
I’ve known for a while that I need to lose weight, but it’s tough. I’m hungry almost all the time, so cutting down on food intake is difficult for me. Sometimes the hunger gets to the point where I feel as though I’m going to puke if I don’t eat something.
Self-control is another big problem of mine. If someone brings snacks to work–which 99% of the time are not healthy–I want to eat them. And do. The other 1% of the time? It’s a healthy snack that I really don’t care for. So yeah, the only times I don’t eat the goodies at work are when the goodies are actually good for me.
My psychiatrist tried giving me a medicine with a side effect of appetite suppression, but that did nothing to curb my drive to eat.
My sedentary lifestyle doesn’t help matters, either. Sure, I’m fairly active while at work–there’s no option not to be most days–but at home I don’t do much that’s actively active. Hence the walking I was trying to do.
I’ll figure out a way to lose weight someday. Maybe not soon, but someday. I can’t keep living like this.
When am I ever going to learn my limits?
Four days after a two mile walk my knees are still killing me. The only thing I can take for pain is Tylenol, and while that helps enough to get me through work I don’t want to take too much of it. Bad for the liver and all.
I also don’t want to have to go to the doctor. Copays, prescriptions, lectures, possible referrals or physical therapy…as the meme says, “Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.”
So this weekend it’s lots of rest and taking it easy. Not that I normally do much on the weekends, but walks are out until this gets better. Maybe sewing and driving will be out, too, as the right knee is worse.
I think I’ve found an exercise routine I can stick to! I learned about a fun zombie narration app for my phone that tells you zombies are chasing you to motivate you to walk fast/jog at various intervals, and it’s a 5k training app so I can build endurance slowly (instead of trying to go on hour-long runs from the get-go).
My husband got the app, too, so now we can go on nightly walks together, get our exercise, and get out of the apartment for a little while. I’m excited to hopefully lose weight and get more fit. It’s also going to motivate me to eat less at dinner time, because I learned last night that 30 minutes of exercise soon after a big spaghetti dinner is not a good idea.
In the past I was terrified of people watching me exercise. I didn’t go to gyms for that reason, and I didn’t even want my husband watching me do workout videos. The walking/running seems to be fine, though, because I’m in my own little world with the narration (and my own personal playlist in the background). It’s great that I found something to push me past my apprehension and allow me to exercise and get fit.
Don’t let yourself get to the point I’m at. I’m unhealthy and sluggish. Find a way to make exercise fun or challenging, and stick to it. It will suck at first, but it will get better.
Get out. Work out. And kick ass.