Plagued

Here it is again. Another nasty cold. Happy Valentine’s day to me.

I am grateful that I have a caring husband who makes sure I get enough rest, but it really kills the Valentine’s mood.

I feel like Typhoid Mary. I probably spread this virus throughout half of Tucson yesterday despite my efforts to cover my cough and use cough drops to try to prevent said cough. Note that I said “try.”

It’s not really all that bad, I guess. I’m functional. I can make it through the day. I’m not literally dying. There are people worse off than I. But I can still bitch and moan on occasion, right?

I guess it was bound to happen sooner or later. I had gone so long without any real illness (besides the RA), and now three bugs in less than two months. This one isn’t as bad as what I had over Christmas weekend–Good Goddess, that was horrible–but it still sucks.

Time to take better care of myself. I’m planning on starting either a smoothie or juicing diet of sorts to get more nutrients. I really don’t eat very healthy, so maybe some fruits and veggies will help build the old immune system.

For now, though, time for a restful nap between laundry loads.

Mockingjay: Pure Entertainment, or Cautionary Tale?

So by now, I’m sure you’ve heard of the Mockingjay movies, as well as the first movie, The Hunger Games, and the sequel, Catching Fire. These movies have definitely caught fire in entertainment, marketing, and product lines, but is the message being lost?

I’ve both read the books and seen the movies. I know the differences between the two, and some of the more glaring differences are bothersome to me. The movies don’t have Katniss getting her iconic Mockingjay pin from a friend she didn’t even know she had in District 12. They don’t go into her fear of having children because she doesn’t want them to have to face competition in the Hunger Games.

These are two minor changes, but they are powerful messages that need to be conveyed. The symbol of the Mockingjay wasn’t something Katniss picked up in a marketplace; it was given to her by a friend, a precious commodity to Katniss in the harsh conditions of District 12. Her fear of having children was a powerful message, a sign of the desperation of the times. Being afraid to have a child because that child might have to compete in a battle to the death with other children? That is an enormous weight to carry, and to gloss over that is to do the books a great disservice.

Another thing that disturbs me is that the message of the story is lost in the commercialization of the films. We–I’m speaking primarily of Americans–have become complacent in our current political system. We protest, we gripe on Facebook, we post political memes and quotes…but what do we really do about it?

Now, I’m not suggesting full-on rebellion like in the books. I’m saying that we need to consider the situation we’re in. Sure, our political system has worked for a couple hundred years. Yeah, we had that Civil War in there, but y’know, we’ve been pretty much status quo for a while. Are we really operating in the right system right now, though?

You have basically two parties that are diametrically opposed. “Debates” become arguing sessions where nothing is accomplished. And don’t even get me started on TV coverage of politics. Ugh.

Our political system is a hot mess. Do I know how to fix it? Hell, no. I don’t get involved in politics because not only do I admittedly have only a basic understanding of the system, but also because I don’t fully agree with either side. I’m neither right nor left, black nor white, light nor dark. I’m in that grey area, that middle ground where I don’t feel strongly enough about any of the hot button topics to raise up my voice and speak out. And if I did, who would listen? My Twitter followers? My few Facebook friends?

Politics and social media don’t mix well, I’ve found–and yet I’m writing this blog post today. Why? Because I think we should do something. I don’t know what; I’m not smart enough for that. But maybe, just maybe, someone who is smart enough will read this and say, “Hey, she’s got a point. We don’t have to keep the system we have just because it’s what we’ve done for a couple hundred years.”

“Well, AJ,” you might say, “what exactly do you want us to do?” I honestly don’t know. I want us to not bitch about stupid things. I want us to be open to different ideas and different beliefs. I want something more.

Is there an “ideal” political system? Is it worth it to upend the current one only to wind up in a worse situation? Who knows. I don’t think the ideal political system has yet been found, because if it had someone somewhere certainly would have the common sense to say, “These people have got it right. This is what we need to do.” And then others with common sense would say, “Yeah, good point. Let’s do the thing.” And we would all do the thing, and world harmony and all that jazz.

Yeah, I know that’s not going to happen. Maybe some day in the far, far future, but certainly not my lifetime. And that sucks.

The Simple Things in Life

A tasty lunch. Good music. Playing with a toy on a string.

Wait, what?

Okay, let me start over. The idea for this post came from watching my cat, Rory, playing with his newest toy. It’s a little fuzzball with a bell that’s connected to a stick by a thin metal wire (we have learned not to get a regular string toy–he chews through ribbons and satin strings), and it is apparently the most entertaining thing on the planet.

It got me thinking about the things that have made me happy today. I had a half day at work, which was nice after many recent weeks of overtime. I had a nice sandwich for lunch (after spending several minutes staring into the fridge trying to figure out what I wanted). I’m listening to my favorite playlist on Google Play. It’s not much, but it’s enough. I don’t need anything fancy, really.

I wish I realized this more often. I often complain about my work schedule, about writer’s block, about all kinds of things. I forget about the simple things that give me joy.

I’ll have to remind myself of these little things more often. The holidays are coming up, which usually means thinking about gifts and food and all that fun stuff. In recent years, I’ve been more concerned with what to get other people, but I still spend too much time thinking about what I want. Part of it is because people are asking me to come up with ideas–they’re thinking about what to get other people, too. But do I really need to do that? Can’t I just be happy with what I have and save my own money to get the things I want?

Maybe that will be a new New Year’s resolution. Enjoy the simple things more.

Jumping the gun?

Okay, so after more than a week of severe knee pain, I finally asked my doctor for a referral to an orthopedist. Now I wake up with the pain much more in the mild to moderate range, and I feel a little silly.

Do I still keep the appointment if my doctor can get me in with the specialist? I mean, I still have osteoarthritis in my knees. That’s not going to go away. And if I can’t get my weight back under control I’m still putting unnecessary pressure on them.

I really have to make and stick to a lifestyle change. Eat less. Eat better. Exercise more. Get un-fat.

It humiliates me that I’ve let myself go to the point where it’s seriously affecting my health. I keep telling myself that I’m going to eventually lose the weight, but it keeps creeping up. Granted, even though I’m almost 230 pounds (according to the electric scale at the doctor’s office last week), I’m also 5’10”, so I don’t look as fat as I am. Except for the damn belly. I hate that I look pregnant all the time.

Keep track of your health, folks. I let myself go, and it resulted in extreme pain that could have been avoided. I’m going to take it easier on my walks, but I’m still going to walk. I have to get healthy. I finally got the rheumatoid pain mostly under control; I can’t let this osteoarthritis beat me.

Play through the pain

Today marks the start of another work week full of walking, standing, sitting, stooping–basically all the things my knees are currently opposed to doing.

I’ve got to keep going, though. I can’t just call out because my knees are sore. I went to the doctor last Friday and found there was no injury and no rheumatoid activity (my knees have osteoarthritis, which shows up different on x-rays), so I have no excuse to call out. It would have been nice for the doctor to give me some kind of medicine to help with the pain instead of just doing a quick range of motion check in the exam room and getting some x-rays. Not that I’m trying to be a drug hoarder. I just want to be free from pain for a little while.

The only thing he really gave me for the pain is a lecture on being overweight and taking more walks to try to lose that extra weight. Thanks, doc. That’s kind of what I was trying to do when I hurt my knees. Way to make a patient feel bad for trying to do the right thing.

I’ve known for a while that I need to lose weight, but it’s tough. I’m hungry almost all the time, so cutting down on food intake is difficult for me. Sometimes the hunger gets to the point where I feel as though I’m going to puke if I don’t eat something.

Self-control is another big problem of mine. If someone brings snacks to work–which 99% of the time are not healthy–I want to eat them. And do. The other 1% of the time? It’s a healthy snack that I really don’t care for. So yeah, the only times I don’t eat the goodies at work are when the goodies are actually good for me.

My psychiatrist tried giving me a medicine with a side effect of appetite suppression, but that did nothing to curb my drive to eat.

My sedentary lifestyle doesn’t help matters, either. Sure, I’m fairly active while at work–there’s no option not to be most days–but at home I don’t do much that’s actively active. Hence the walking I was trying to do.

I’ll figure out a way to lose weight someday. Maybe not soon, but someday. I can’t keep living like this.

Kneed to take it easy this weekend

When am I ever going to learn my limits?

Four days after a two mile walk my knees are still killing me. The only thing I can take for pain is Tylenol, and while that helps enough to get me through work I don’t want to take too much of it. Bad for the liver and all.

I also don’t want to have to go to the doctor. Copays, prescriptions, lectures, possible referrals or physical therapy…as the meme says, “Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.”

So this weekend it’s lots of rest and taking it easy. Not that I normally do much on the weekends, but walks are out until this gets better. Maybe sewing and driving will be out, too, as the right knee is worse.

These tennis shoes were made for walking

I think I’ve found an exercise routine I can stick to! I learned about a fun zombie narration app for my phone that tells you zombies are chasing you to motivate you to walk fast/jog at various intervals, and it’s a 5k training app so I can build endurance slowly (instead of trying to go on hour-long runs from the get-go).

My husband got the app, too, so now we can go on nightly walks together, get our exercise, and get out of the apartment for a little while. I’m excited to hopefully lose weight and get more fit. It’s also going to motivate me to eat less at dinner time, because I learned last night that 30 minutes of exercise soon after a big spaghetti dinner is not a good idea.

In the past I was terrified of people watching me exercise. I didn’t go to gyms for that reason, and I didn’t even want my husband watching me do workout videos. The walking/running seems to be fine, though, because I’m in my own little world with the narration (and my own personal playlist in the background). It’s great that I found something to push me past my apprehension and allow me to exercise and get fit.

Don’t let yourself get to the point I’m at. I’m unhealthy and sluggish. Find a way to make exercise fun or challenging, and stick to it. It will suck at first, but it will get better.

Get out. Work out. And kick ass.