Eight to twelve hours at work five days a week. Either game or events on Saturdays, then Sundays are either visiting with family/doing laundry/rapier practice or more event stuff. Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings after work are for exercising, and Friday is more rapier practice. I occasionally get scheduled for a half day here and there, but inevitably someone calls out and I end up working the whole day.
That bugs the ever-living snot out of me. I feel like people see that I’m scheduled off-unless-needed and decide to suddenly be “sick” when they really just want a free day.
Why don’t I get free days? I don’t blame my bosses; they have to staff the clinic as is necessary. I kind of blame my coworkers sometimes though. Okay, most of the time. I mean, do they realize the kind of life I lead? If it wasn’t for my early-morning insomnia I’d never get anything done outside of work. No writing. No sewing. No artwork. Nothing. Just because I’m not out partying every night or don’t have kids to take care of doesn’t mean I don’t have things to do.
I’m tempted to request off more often just to get a break here and there, despite the need for PTO when I actually need the off days. I just can’t seem to catch a break.
Maybe this afternoon I’ll get the half day I was hoping for.
Maybe. But I doubt it.
Category: Work
A matter of time…
So I think I got my motivation for cosplay back…the problem is, today I just don’t have much time to work on it.
Today’s a long, early day at work, which means I don’t have the time to sew that I’d like to have. On the plus side, though, I’m back to wanting to sew.
I have an interview with an actress after work today, so I probably won’t get any sewing done then, but hopefully tomorrow morning I can get a little bit done. Now that I figured out the secret to getting the pleather to move through the sewing machine easier, it shouldn’t be too bad to get the rest of it done. Next after the corset is the shrug, which should be easy enough once I get the proportions figured out. Stupid fat arms lol I have to modify the pattern a bit to get my upper arms to fit it. Gonna be a mock-up for sure.
Then on to the really scary part: Spandex! I saved that for last because I knew A- I have never worked with it before (& it’s a bit terrifying to even think about) & B- I know that the two things I have to make with the Spandex can be purchased online easily enough, if it comes down to that. We’ll see. I don’t want to be relying on Amazon Prime to get our last costume pieces here on time, but if that’s what it comes down to then that’s what we’ll do. I can always use the Spandex later, either to improve on what we bought or to make something new.
Life is going to get interesting in the coming months & even the next couple of years, but I think I can handle it. Just have to get to/through Dragon Con and then I’ll have some breathing room. Maybe even time for writing? Who knows.
Almost time to get ready for work!
Missing motivation
I should be in the craft room. I should be sewing. There’s less than a month until we leave for Dragon Con and I still have a ton of work to do. So why can’t I make myself go into the sewing room & get cracking?
I guess part of it is that my husband is pressing me to finish. I have this tendency to “rebel” when pushed, and since he is adamant that I keep working on it I’m stubbornly not working on it. Self-destruction at its finest.
This past Saturday, my husband and I went to a friend’s house to work on prop making. It’s going really well, but we had to stop for the day and will be back to it next Saturday. Yesterday, I did a minimal amount of sewing on the corset. I need to finish the boning channels and order the boning, but my procrastinating self just won’t get off her ass and go into the craft room to get to work.
Adding to this is the fact that I have to write interview questions for a phone call I’ll be getting tomorrow evening. I suppose that should take priority, seeing as how the deadline for that is much closer than Dragon Con. I’m glad that the actress (and her “people”–I guess I should thank them, too) was willing to work around my schedule and do an evening interview. I get so frustrated when I can’t take any of the good interviews that Talk Nerdy With Us offers because I’m working all the time. Don’t get me wrong–I need and want the money–but I just miss doing interviews. The email ones are fewer and farther between, and they’re just not the same.
Yeah, I’d better draft up some questions. That’s a good reason to procrastinate on the sewing, and it also will help me get back in the swing of things, interviewingly speaking.
Frustrating days
I know it’s not my bosses’ faults. I know that we’re understaffed, overbooked, and generally in a constant state of chaos and flux. Things have been rough the past couple of months, with little to no end in sight.
Still, it doesn’t make things any easier knowing this.
It’s my own fault, I suppose. I’m always early. I do whatever I’m asked. I want to help, so when I’m pulled from training for one thing or kept late when I have to be there at nothing in the morning the next day, I don’t say much. Oh sure, I’ll grumble and fuss, but I mean I don’t really complain. I’m trying to be a good worker, a team player, all that jazz.
The most frustrating thing, I would have to say, is that I do it to myself. I don’t speak up for myself and I don’t stick up for myself. I just go with it…until I hit a breaking point.
That point slammed into me like a freight train last night. I was so frustrated and worn out and tired that almost as soon as I clocked out (did I remember to clock out?) and left the building I was in tears. I don’t just mean a couple tears here and there. I mean I was straight-up bawling all the way home and even after I got home. I was just done.
It hit me when I looked up at the clock and realized I had less than twelve and a half hours before I had to be back in the office. By the time I clocked out (seriously, did I even remember to clock out or was I so tired that I just booked it?) it was right at twelve hours. Half a day until I had to be back and working again. Barely enough time to scarf down my dinner and try to relax with some cosplay work before it was time to go to bed. I suppose shoving all those pins in the fabric may have been somewhat cathartic. Kinda.
Someday soon I’m going to have to have a talk with my boss(es) and try to convey my unhappiness. It’s not that I don’t want to work, it’s not that I want to find another job. I just don’t want to feel like one of the only ones who takes the job seriously. I know that’s not the case, but some days it feels like it.
Cosplay Crunch
Oops. I kindamaybesorta have been slacking on the cosplay stuff. I have a little over a month to get it all done, and I’m starting to get nervous.
The fabrication of the weapons we’re getting help on, but the sewing is basically all me. Which I can handle I guess, but I’ve got to motivate myself. I still have all the pattern pieces for the corset to cut out (I had cut out all the other pattern pieces & organized them earlier to save time, but I forgot the corset pattern pieces), then the fabric (of course), and then there’s all the sewing of stuff. And there’s the Spandex sewing. Still a little intimidated by the thought of that.
I don’t know why I put myself into this crunch all the time. I guess I just have an issue with motivation. When I first wake up in the morning I’m super tired, and messing around on the computer for an hour or so helps wake me up…which turns into two or three hours on the computer because I get sucked in by the Internet. Damn you, Internet!
I’ll probably get the pattern pieces cut out this evening (or maybe tomorrow morning) after we get back from out Poke-walk. Then I’ll cut the fabric & get to busting my butt this weekend. I think I’ll have to change out the needle on my sewing machine to a heavier-duty needle because I’m sewing pleather. Yeah, man, pleather corset. Hawt. Or something.
Well, I’m off to get ready for work. Gotta make that cosplay money. Oh, and money for bills, I guess. That, too.
Tick Tock
I might have used this title before, but I’m too lazy to check right now. Anywho, it’s creeping up on time to leave for work.
I don’t know why I tend to dread the last 20-30 minutes before I venture off on that short 5-6 minute drive to the office. It’s not like I necessarily dread working, just knowing that soon I’ll have to leave my apartment and head out. I have no problem with actually working (most days–but doesn’t everybody have a couple days where they just want to curl back up under the blankets and ignore the world?). Just knowing that work is pending.
Maybe it’s just the knowledge that time is ticking down to the end of the quiet morning. Or maybe it’s the feeling of “I’ve got to finish whatever I’m doing before it’s time to go.” Who knows.
I’d write more on the subject, but it’s almost time to leave. 😉 Ciao!
Double Trouble
Ah, this weekend was so nice. Relaxing.
And too damn short.
I’ve been awake for an hour & a half, but I can barely keep my eyes open. They keep crossing and closing, trying to force me back into slumber. They almost succeeded–almost.
Today it’s back to work, followed by (hopefully) more cosplay progress. I got a decent amount done yesterday, but my back started getting sore (and my hubby needed the power strip from the craft room for some of his cosplay work, so there’s that too). Yeah, yeah, I could’ve taken the strip back when he was done & gotten back to it, but damn I was tired. I think I was asleep before 7:30.
The jacket I started working on yesterday has the front two panels sewn and the back is almost done (not counting lining and such–that comes soon).
Damnit, eyes! I can’t be going back to sleep now!
Anywho, I also got a lot of character development done for the dystopian/sci-fi novel I’ve been working on for ages. This book will definitely be slower going than Whispers of Death, mostly because I’m having a more complicated plot…not to mention the research. I have to figure out what kind of tech we’ll have in a few hundred years…or at least speculate to within a reasonable accuracy. For instance, flying cars? Eh, maybe, maybe not. Bionic implants? That I can see happening. Genetic engineering? Yep, can see that too. And as far as current events unfolding in the ages to come, well….I don’t want to give away too much. 😉
Well, it’s time to make my husband’s coffee and see what the rest of the world is up to this early in the morning. Enjoy your work day!
Sub-standard
Okay, this upcoming three day weekend is much needed.
Last night I dreamed that a patient randomly started to fall face-first out of an exam chair. I mean, she was headed for full faceplant…until I jerked awake with a gasp. Work has finally invaded my subconscious to the point where I’m having semi-nightmares about it. (I don’t consider it a full-blown nightmare because it was more of a shock factor than a fear factor that woke me up…and I was fully aware that it was a dream the second I woke up. Usually nightmares have me really confused when I first wake up from them.)
I also had a weird dream that one of my exes was a serial killer. Hope I don’t have the FBI knocking on my door any time soon to ask questions lol
I keep telling myself that this weekend will help things calm down. I have a trip to Tucson with my husband and some new friends for cosplay and Costco shopping, so that may or may not be relaxing (sometimes even a day trip can wear you out), but Sunday and Monday should be all about cosplay work–except for an Independence Day dinner with the family.
Going to go finish that final belt loop on the Shatterstar pants that I have been procrastinating on due to sheer exhaustion, then I can finally get started on the coat…and learn how to thread and use my serger so I can make the Spandex stuff.
Yeah, I know, the cosplay push will be yet another thing to wear me out…but it’s a change from what I’ve been doing, so that’s a good thing I think. I just gotta keep up on it. Two months. Just two months. Can’t keep letting my physical and mental exhaustion get to me. I’ve got to get these done.
I can do it. I’m determined, just sluggish.
Weird dreams or not, I got this.
Revelation
I’m such a ditz. I’ve been thinking all this time that it’s my day job OT that has me worn out, but I forgot that I’ve also still been taking on work with Talk Nerdy With Us and extra responsibilities with the charity anthology project. No wonder I’m feeling the burnout!
I don’t mind the Talk Nerdy With Us work–it’s a fun job to have–and even though the anthology will be a lot of work as co-admin, I kind of enjoy the challenge. It’s frustrating when the head admin is unable to work on the project as often as I am (and he’s got a bit of an attention span problem–not to mention he’s been sick lately), but it gives me a chance to take charge and get the project moving the way I’d like it to, rather than have it sit stagnant as it has been. As our writers also have day jobs/other things going on with their lives, it’s hard to coordinate and get momentum.
Oh yeah, and there are also the cosplays I have to finish in the next couple of months. Two months. Two short, short months. I’ve got to get those finished.
So that’s my life in a nutshell right now. Work. More work. Charity work. And cosplay work.
Sheesh.
Burnout
I’m so tired. Granted, it’s 3:45 in the morning, but that’s not why I’m tired.
I’m tired of being up so early every morning. I’m tired of being the responsible one. I’m tired of giving a shit. I’m. Just. So. Tired.
Take today, for instance: a long work day with a short break. A long work day in a long line of work days. (I picked up a couple extra half days over the weekend). Now, I’m not complaining about working. I like my job, and even though I gripe about overtime the pay is nice.
But why is it so often? Why does it feel like I’m always working?
It very well might have to do with the other people who call out all the time. I’m scheduled for a half day to relieve some of the OT? Nope, someone called out, have to work the whole day…and when do I get a whole day off? Unless I request off months in advance or there’s a holiday where the office is closed, pretty much never.
I get so sick of other people being “sick.” Okay, so I don’t really know if they’re sick or not. They could have the sniffles–or they could be really, really sick. It’s just frustrating that I go to such lengths to come into the office even if I’m not feeling well but other people call out time after time. It’s exhausting, and it’s disheartening. I try not to pry into my coworkers’ lives, but what’s the deal? Are they really that sick? Are they just feeling under the weather, or not feeling like working? What gives? Do they even know how their constant calling out affects others? The stress of being shorthanded is enough to worry about without knowing I’m going to be working overtime yet again when my body sometimes can’t really take it.
I try to tell myself that it’ll be okay. Eventually, the ones who don’t want to work weed themselves out. Eventually.
Until then, guess I gotta buck up and take it like a woman.