Frustrating days

I know it’s not my bosses’ faults. I know that we’re understaffed, overbooked, and generally in a constant state of chaos and flux. Things have been rough the past couple of months, with little to no end in sight.

Still, it doesn’t make things any easier knowing this.

It’s my own fault, I suppose. I’m always early. I do whatever I’m asked. I want to help, so when I’m pulled from training for one thing or kept late when I have to be there at nothing in the morning the next day, I don’t say much. Oh sure, I’ll grumble and fuss, but I mean I don’t really complain. I’m trying to be a good worker, a team player, all that jazz.

The most frustrating thing, I would have to say, is that I do it to myself. I don’t speak up for myself and I don’t stick up for myself. I just go with it…until I hit a breaking point.

That point slammed into me like a freight train last night. I was so frustrated and worn out and tired that almost as soon as I clocked out (did I remember to clock out?) and left the building I was in tears. I don’t just mean a couple tears here and there. I mean I was straight-up bawling all the way home and even after I got home. I was just done.

It hit me when I looked up at the clock and realized I had less than twelve and a half hours before I had to be back in the office. By the time I clocked out (seriously, did I even remember to clock out or was I so tired that I just booked it?) it was right at twelve hours. Half a day until I had to be back and working again. Barely enough time to scarf down my dinner and try to relax with some cosplay work before it was time to go to bed. I suppose shoving all those pins in the fabric may have been somewhat cathartic. Kinda.

Someday soon I’m going to have to have a talk with my boss(es) and try to convey my unhappiness. It’s not that I don’t want to work, it’s not that I want to find another job. I just don’t want to feel like one of the only ones who takes the job seriously. I know that’s not the case, but some days it feels like it.

A Question for Another Day

I’ve been doing musician, artist, and celebrity interviews over phone (and now Skype) off and on for over probably six months now, and I have to say, I think I’m finally getting the hang of making it a conversational interview rather than straight-up questions.

Part of it is that I try to write the questions so they flow more organically. I try to gauge how the interview will go, how some questions will be answered, and arrange my questions to that sequence. Part of it is just practice, I guess.

But my one big hang-up (no pun intended) is still how to end the interview. So far, I just say “Well, thanks for talking with us today” if I’ve come to the end of my questions and there’s not really any opening left for continued conversation. That, to me, feels cold and impersonal, but after all this time I have not figured out a better way.

I’ve asked the other writers for the website for advice because it’s a very supportive team, but I feel like I’ve failed by not figuring it out myself. I guess it goes back to when I was a kid and school came easily to me for the most part; if I ever had problems understanding something, I was frustrated beyond belief. This problem doesn’t quite have me at that level of frustration, but it’s getting close.

One day soon I’ll know the answer. But for now, it’s a question for another day. (See? I don’t even know how to end a blog post properly lol)