Inescapable slumber

What makes a person extra tired one morning compared to another?

Let’s assume I got the same amount/quality of sleep two nights in a row (hey, it’s possible!). One morning, I wake up normally, with about 15 minutes of grogginess followed by the usual early a.m. what-am-I-going-to-do-with-my-time-before-work dilemma. The next, I wake up, doze off, wake up, doze off sitting up at the computer, wake up, find myself clicking “transfer” on the only Clefairy I have in my Poké-thing (yes, I did that), doze, wake up, etc.

This morning was one of the latter mornings. I was able to fend off my cat for a good hour before finally waking up…or rather, not finally…more like gaining full consciousness for the first time of the morning. Then I tried getting on the computer for a while, but I just ended up nodding off so much that I just went back to sleep for a little while. Then, after waking up again, I went into the craft room to work on cosplay–where I promptly fell asleep sitting straight up on the futon. Head full-tilt backwards, mouth hanging open, probably snoring. I gave up on the cosplay project at that point. Clearly I was not functional enough to be operating a sewing machine. I can’t afford a trip to the hospital to have a needle surgically removed from my finger.

Oddly enough, my husband has been experiencing the same phenomenon today. Extreme grogginess even after being awake for several hours. What causes this? He didn’t complain of a bad night’s sleep, so why is he so tired?

I suppose if I wasn’t so sleepy I could research it or something. But I think I’ll just drink my energy drink and be grateful that I had the morning off today.


Visions of Sleep

Early in the morning

Ere the sun has shown his face

My lids feel heavy

My eyes cross paths

So hard to stay awake

A mere hour before I have to get ready

For the busy day ahead

I need to wake up

To be alert

But my eyes have different ideas

They try to force my hand

To make me sleep again

I can’t let them succeed

I can’t give in

I have a job to do

No time for sleep

No time for resting those eyes

Raise those heavy lids

Force the eyes to stop crossing

My lids will meet once again in slumber

But not until the night

Not-So Sweet Dreams

So there I am, trying to behave myself during a Medicare inspection, when the Medicare auditor tells me I have to get an MRI. Okay, seems legit, right?

I go to get my MRI and almost forget that I have my keys in my pocket. Oops. That would’ve been bad. Then I play the waiting game==gotta bide your time until the radiology department decides to let you know what’s what.

I finally call them because it’s getting late and they haven’t called me yet. They tell me I have cancer in my back & I need to come in to the hospital to get it taken care of. Sure, why not? Again, it seems legit.

Once I get to the hospital, I find myself waiting and waiting and waiting to see a doctor. When are they going to have a doctor go over the results of my MRI with me?  I decide to go to a nurses’ station and ask whats up with that. Turns out the surgeon had just gotten there, so they took me to another room to discuss my results.

Imagine my surprise when my surgeon was not an oncologist but rather the cataract surgeon that I work with. Totally legit. Apparently they called him in because he ordered the MRI. And he was totally cool with it. He showed me where in my back the cancer was (right in some offshoot of my spine–no biggie) and told me he’d do the surgery.

Some other patient interrupted and came over telling some stupid story about his own cancer experience, talking over the doctor so I couldn’t hear when I was going to have the surgery. I got the impression that it would be soon, but I didn’t know what time exactly. Would I be able to eat anything, or did I have to wait until after the surgery? The surgeon left before I could ask, though, so I tried to ask at the nurses’ station but again they were pretty much useless.

I went off to see my husband & there with him was my best friend Crystal and her family. There were lots of hugs and well wishes, but still I couldn’t eat.

I woke up starving.

Stupid brain.


Okay, this upcoming three day weekend is much needed.

Last night I dreamed that a patient randomly started to fall face-first out of an exam chair. I mean, she was headed for full faceplant…until I jerked awake with a gasp. Work has finally invaded my subconscious to the point where I’m having semi-nightmares about it. (I don’t consider it a full-blown nightmare because it was more of a shock factor than a fear factor that woke me up…and I was fully aware that it was a dream the second I woke up. Usually nightmares have me really confused when I first wake up from them.)

I also had a weird dream that one of my exes was a serial killer. Hope I don’t have the FBI knocking on my door any time soon to ask questions lol

I keep telling myself that this weekend will help things calm down. I have a trip to Tucson with my husband and some new friends for cosplay and Costco shopping, so that may or may not be relaxing (sometimes even a day trip can wear you out), but Sunday and Monday should be all about cosplay work–except for an Independence Day dinner with the family.

Going to go finish that final belt loop on the Shatterstar pants that I have been procrastinating on due to sheer exhaustion, then I can finally get started on the coat…and learn how to thread and use my serger so I can make the Spandex stuff.

Yeah, I know, the cosplay push will be yet another thing to wear me out…but it’s a change from what I’ve been doing, so that’s a good thing I think. I just gotta keep up on it. Two months. Just two months. Can’t keep letting my physical and mental exhaustion get to me. I’ve got to get these done.

I can do it. I’m determined, just sluggish.

Weird dreams or not, I got this.

Doctor, Doctor

I had the strangest dream last night.

It began with me driving myself to some unknown location. I watched as a dude on a motorcycle nearly got run off the road by some angry guy in a truck. Then, I was sideswiped by an RV and nearly run off the road. (The guy in the RV was using his cell phone and not paying shit’s worth attention to the road.) Now, this being a dream and all, nobody stopped for these near-accidents–not even the drivers themselves (me included). A short while later, there was a chain-reaction accident, with the two cars ahead of the motorcycle and truck ramming into each other, then the truck finally succeeded in plowing down the motorcycle. The RV sideswiped me again and I got pushed off the interstate, but thankfully I wasn’t hurt.

The RV continued on (probably so distracted by his cell phone that he didn’t notice he had almost killed someone), and the survivors of the accidents–which happened to be all of us, miraculously–stood by the side of the road, calling 9-1-1 and waiting for police or ambulances to show up. No one arrived, though, so after several hours of waiting we walked over to a hospital that was across the road. Why didn’t we go there in the first place? It was a dream,silly. There rarely is a rational why in a dream.

I spent the next little bit of the dream crying like a baby because I was so upset that no cops had come to the scene of the accidents. By the time a cop arrived at the hospital I was in hysterics, and no amount of talk could console me because I never saw the license plate of the hit-and-run RV.

At some point i realized I was in Florida, though Gods know why (the most likely reason is that I had a patient yesterday who was talking about Florida–real-me, not dream-me). While at this hospital in Florida, I ran into a family that I hadn’t seen in a long time. They were doing well, which is odd considering the husband & wife divorced last year.

Flash forward to an unknown amount of time, and all of a sudden the Eleventh Doctor shows up. Don’t know who I’m talking about? I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry. Anywho, he was being his usual silly self and I was trying to calm down after the accidents when suddenly, my tongue felt funny. I checked a mirror, and I had the most disgusting pustule on the end of my tongue.

I could barely talk, and I felt so gross and disgusting. The Doctor was nice enough to stick by me and try to help out. Now, if you know who I’m talking about, then you know that he’s not the kind of doctor I needed just then. As we tried to find a medical doctor, my tongue got worse and worse. It burned, and talking was nearly impossible due to the swelling. The pustule got bigger and bigger, and my teeth started falling out. I was spitting out blood, pus, and teeth all over the place. Just as we found a medical doctor, I woke up.

I think I’m going to go brush my teeth now. Maybe a couple of times.



Well, it’s Monday–that dreaded day when you can’t seem to decide whether you want to get out of bed, let alone what you want to do with your time before work once you get up.

I kind of want to write, but I’m not really “feeling” it right now. I know I need to sew, but I’m a little burned out on that one after a busy weekend working on cosplay.

Or, there’s a third option: I could just dick around on the Internet until it’s time to get ready for work. Not exactly productive (okay, not at all productive), but maybe that’s what I need…to not be productive for a little while. To just lie here with my laptop and breathe.

Or maybe sit here and breathe. Damn sunburned back. Ouch.

An object in motion

Geez-o-Pete, I’ve been tired this weekend. Napping almost every time I stop doing something. It reminds me of a Tumblr post I saw one time explaining why it’s easier to stay up late than get up early:

“An object in motion tends to stay in motion, and an object at rest tends to stay at rest.”

Well, when I rest lately, I really stay at rest.

Just woke up from a nap that was probably 2+ hours long. My husband let me sleep, for which I’m grateful, but I wonder why I was so tired.

Hopefully I can get my momentum back, fast. I have a busy work week this week, plus I’m still working on the Naruto cosplays. I’ve gotten the pants nearly completed, but I’ve barely started on the kimono, need to buy more fabric for the sash (because I miscalculated), and haven’t even started on the coat and vest. Oh, and we need to paint the gourd. Whew. Maybe that’s why I’m so exhausted! Just thinking about all that is making me sleepy.

For Lack of a Bitter Pill to Take

Oopsie. I forgot when I refilled my Adderal that I was completely out & needed at least one for this morning. I should’ve picked it up last night when it was ready.

It’s  not ADD or ADHD that I take it for, though. I take it to stay awake during the day. Without it, I’m asleep off and on the whole day. Work should be fun.

I’m going to get another energy drink in a minute here…I’ve already had my usual one for the morning. (Yes, I know I’m at risk of my heart exploding or something equally bad happening to me by mixing the Adderal with an energy drink..most mornings I simply don’t care.)

Kids–and adults–take your pills as prescribed. Unless you have some crazy bad reaction or allergy to them, take them. There’s a reason the doctors prescribe things for you. Don’t think you have to man up and not take them.

Asleep while awake

I’m up for the day….kind of. My eyes are open. I’m conscious. But I can’t seem to wake up.

My eyes are crossing. My head is nodding. My body clearly wants to be back under the overs, dreaming some weird dreams. I should have taken my Adderal when I was awake earlier for Rory’s daily awakening, but I was just too tired then.

Usually my shower wakes me up, so I should be good to go for work. I just wish it didn’t take me so long to wake up after I wake up. I’m not sure I’ll ever understand those who can wake up and just roll out of bed and get started on the day. I, for one, am writing this with one eye half closed and the other eye out of focus. I think if I didn’t let my right eye drop a little I would be unable to read the screen at all because of the crossing eyes.

I envy those of you who can wake up and immediately be functional. I’m working on sleeping better so  I don’t have this problem, Maybe. I hope.

Early to Bed, Early to Rise

Man, I’m old.

I went to bed last night at 2100–9:00 pm for those non-military/non-medical types. New Year’s Eve, and I cut out three hours before midnight. Where did my youth go?

Don’t get me wrong; the early morning hours sometimes help me to concentrate on things like writing and catching up on the non-day-job things I need to do. I’ve grown accustomed to the mornings where I sit and listen to music by the light of the computer screen. I don’t necessarily like getting up this early, but I do like that I can still get things done.

I think about my younger days (even just a few years younger), and I’m reminded that as I age my tolerance for partying decreases significantly. Sure, I’ll go out to dinner or movies with others. I’ll socialize at Phoenix Comicon (and this year, Dragon Con). But going to bars? Clubs? Wild house parties? Those are things of the past for me. And I’ve learned that I really don’t mind this.

I don’t know if it’s true what they say about wisdom accompanying this thing called aging. I’ve wised up to the fact that partying just doesn’t hold any appeal to me anymore, but that doesn’t mean I’m wise. Far from it, I think. I still make mistakes–often the same ones repeatedly–and there’s a lot about life that I still don’t know. I have a lot to learn, which I guess is a good thing. In my opinion, once you stop learning things life gets pretty boring. What’s left after you’ve learned everything you can? How do you keep your mind sharp?

In the past five years I’ve gone from a night owl with chronic morning grogginess to a person who routinely wakes up before 4:00 a.m. and almost immediately starts doing something. That “something” may just be messing around on the laptop, but it’s still different from my pre-morning mornings, when I would sit up and wash my Ritalin down with an energy drink or two just to be able to function.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ve stopped the Ritalin and replaced it with Adderal (Ritalin quit helping as well as it used to), and I still drink energy drinks or Frappuchinos, but I don’t need them the second I wake up like I used to, and I even forgo the caffeine if I feel awake enough to make do with water or lemonade or some such thing.

Yeah, I’m getting old. Tired all day, awake at nothing in the morning, going to bed early…but I’m still young, too. I can pick up new hobbies, I can write new things–I’m still able to grow and keep on trucking. So I guess I should look at that as a good thing and not try to obsess over the relative age. So I’m older. So I don’t live the exciting night life. So what?

I’m going to get up, get moving, and get things done. I’m just going to do them earlier.