Okay, so after more than a week of severe knee pain, I finally asked my doctor for a referral to an orthopedist. Now I wake up with the pain much more in the mild to moderate range, and I feel a little silly.
Do I still keep the appointment if my doctor can get me in with the specialist? I mean, I still have osteoarthritis in my knees. That’s not going to go away. And if I can’t get my weight back under control I’m still putting unnecessary pressure on them.
I really have to make and stick to a lifestyle change. Eat less. Eat better. Exercise more. Get un-fat.
It humiliates me that I’ve let myself go to the point where it’s seriously affecting my health. I keep telling myself that I’m going to eventually lose the weight, but it keeps creeping up. Granted, even though I’m almost 230 pounds (according to the electric scale at the doctor’s office last week), I’m also 5’10”, so I don’t look as fat as I am. Except for the damn belly. I hate that I look pregnant all the time.
Keep track of your health, folks. I let myself go, and it resulted in extreme pain that could have been avoided. I’m going to take it easier on my walks, but I’m still going to walk. I have to get healthy. I finally got the rheumatoid pain mostly under control; I can’t let this osteoarthritis beat me.
Today marks the start of another work week full of walking, standing, sitting, stooping–basically all the things my knees are currently opposed to doing.
I’ve got to keep going, though. I can’t just call out because my knees are sore. I went to the doctor last Friday and found there was no injury and no rheumatoid activity (my knees have osteoarthritis, which shows up different on x-rays), so I have no excuse to call out. It would have been nice for the doctor to give me some kind of medicine to help with the pain instead of just doing a quick range of motion check in the exam room and getting some x-rays. Not that I’m trying to be a drug hoarder. I just want to be free from pain for a little while.
The only thing he really gave me for the pain is a lecture on being overweight and taking more walks to try to lose that extra weight. Thanks, doc. That’s kind of what I was trying to do when I hurt my knees. Way to make a patient feel bad for trying to do the right thing.
I’ve known for a while that I need to lose weight, but it’s tough. I’m hungry almost all the time, so cutting down on food intake is difficult for me. Sometimes the hunger gets to the point where I feel as though I’m going to puke if I don’t eat something.
Self-control is another big problem of mine. If someone brings snacks to work–which 99% of the time are not healthy–I want to eat them. And do. The other 1% of the time? It’s a healthy snack that I really don’t care for. So yeah, the only times I don’t eat the goodies at work are when the goodies are actually good for me.
My psychiatrist tried giving me a medicine with a side effect of appetite suppression, but that did nothing to curb my drive to eat.
My sedentary lifestyle doesn’t help matters, either. Sure, I’m fairly active while at work–there’s no option not to be most days–but at home I don’t do much that’s actively active. Hence the walking I was trying to do.
I’ll figure out a way to lose weight someday. Maybe not soon, but someday. I can’t keep living like this.
When am I ever going to learn my limits?
Four days after a two mile walk my knees are still killing me. The only thing I can take for pain is Tylenol, and while that helps enough to get me through work I don’t want to take too much of it. Bad for the liver and all.
I also don’t want to have to go to the doctor. Copays, prescriptions, lectures, possible referrals or physical therapy…as the meme says, “Ain’t nobody got time fo dat.”
So this weekend it’s lots of rest and taking it easy. Not that I normally do much on the weekends, but walks are out until this gets better. Maybe sewing and driving will be out, too, as the right knee is worse.
By the Gods, my sleep cycle is shot. I’m going to bed around 8pm every night, but either Rory or my own body wakes me up between 1-2am every morning. Sometimes it’s just Rory kneading on my throat that wakes me up, but sometimes I wake from some strange, vivid dream and I get so disturbed by it–regardless of the dream content–that I don’t want to go back to sleep.
It wouldn’t be so bad if it was temporary, but this has been going on for months. I just don’t sleep. On average (according to my FitBit), I’m getting 3-5 hours of sleep a day.
The 5 hour days are the ones where I take a nap at some point.
I can’t blame it all on Rory. I started having insomnia before we ever got him. But I can blame myself. I should be getting to a doctor; getting by with a Ritalin prescription and a couple energy drinks a day really isn’t any way to live. I’ve been trying to convince myself that I get more done in the mornings–sewing, drawing, writing, critiquing–but to be honest these are things I can get done after work. Sure, I make the excuse that if I don’t do them in the morning they won’t get done, because I’m less likely to do work of my own if my husband is awake and off work.
No idea why this is happening. Right now I’m fighting it with every breath, even though I know I should go back to sleep. As soon as I can find the time off from work, I need to get a doctor’s appointment.
I think I’ve found an exercise routine I can stick to! I learned about a fun zombie narration app for my phone that tells you zombies are chasing you to motivate you to walk fast/jog at various intervals, and it’s a 5k training app so I can build endurance slowly (instead of trying to go on hour-long runs from the get-go).
My husband got the app, too, so now we can go on nightly walks together, get our exercise, and get out of the apartment for a little while. I’m excited to hopefully lose weight and get more fit. It’s also going to motivate me to eat less at dinner time, because I learned last night that 30 minutes of exercise soon after a big spaghetti dinner is not a good idea.
In the past I was terrified of people watching me exercise. I didn’t go to gyms for that reason, and I didn’t even want my husband watching me do workout videos. The walking/running seems to be fine, though, because I’m in my own little world with the narration (and my own personal playlist in the background). It’s great that I found something to push me past my apprehension and allow me to exercise and get fit.
Don’t let yourself get to the point I’m at. I’m unhealthy and sluggish. Find a way to make exercise fun or challenging, and stick to it. It will suck at first, but it will get better.
Get out. Work out. And kick ass.