Off Kilter

By the Gods, my sleep cycle is shot. I’m going to bed around 8pm every night, but either Rory or my own body wakes me up between 1-2am every morning. Sometimes it’s just Rory kneading on my throat that wakes me up, but sometimes I wake from some strange, vivid dream and I get so disturbed by it–regardless of the dream content–that I don’t want to go back to sleep.

It wouldn’t be so bad if it was temporary, but this has been going on for months. I just don’t sleep. On average (according to my FitBit), I’m getting 3-5 hours of sleep a day.

The 5 hour days are the ones where I take a nap at some point.

I can’t blame it all on Rory. I started having insomnia before we ever got him. But I can blame myself. I should be getting to a doctor; getting by with a Ritalin prescription and a couple energy drinks a day really isn’t any way to live. I’ve been trying to convince myself that I get more done in the mornings–sewing, drawing, writing, critiquing–but to be honest these are things I can get done after work. Sure, I make the excuse that if I don’t do them in the morning they won’t get done, because I’m less likely to do work of my own if my husband is awake and off work.

No idea why this is happening. Right now I’m fighting it with every breath, even though I know I should go back to sleep. As soon as I can find the time off from work, I need to get a doctor’s appointment.