Category: Uncategorized

After much soul (& internet) searching, I finally decided what to do about my weight concerns. I’m going to be making a drastic but hopefully beneficial change that, frankly, is long overdue.

I’m going to be starting a keto diet next week. I’ve done a lot of pre-diet prep in the form of research, asking questions of my friends and family, and finding a “keto coach” to help me out with figuring out my new diet.

Why start next week? Well, I’m just following my coach’s orders. She said I get seven days to eat as much as I want of whatever I want… That’s right, a last hurrah, if you will, one final chance to eat as I used to before I make a major lifestyle change.

It’s going to be tough; I’m not going to lie. I have huge cravings for sugar, potatoes, breads…. but I can’t eat like that after Wednesday. I can’t allow myself to slip. I have to keep with it, now more than ever.

My weight scares me. It’s not a matter of how I look anymore–it’s a matter of health. A literal matter of life and death. I don’t want to die from some obesity-related comorbidity. I’m only just 40 years old. I want to keep kicking for a long, long time.

Okay. I get it. I haven’t been participating in the SCA rapier community lately. Like, for months. And I get that my rapier-centric friends miss seeing me on the field. I get that, I do, but I’m so tired of avoiding a long discussion on the why of it. So I guess I’ll have to get a little blunt.

I’m too heavy right now. I don’t feel like my body moves right when I’m trying to fight. The weight of the sword feels wrong, the gorget feels wrong, and I feel wrong. I’m bulky and awkward and not in any kind of shape for the amount of exercise that, say, a tournament or even a short practice entails. My chainmail shirt, which I got for my birthday a year ago, doesn’t fit. My hood doesn’t fit, and I don’t have the free time to make another one right now.

I know I’m disappointing my rapier teacher by distancing myself from the sport. I know my friends are disappointed that they don’t get to fight me or practice with me. I know all this, but right now, at my current weight and in my current state of mind, I just can’t.

Yes, it’s that shallow of a reason. I’m embarrassed to get out there and waddle around pretending I’m not 1000% uncomfortable with it.

So I stab things in different ways. I embroider. Art has become my focus, and it’s something that I can do no matter how big I am. I am actually getting pretty good at it. I found another niche, and it’s one that’s big enough for my tubby butt.

Yes, I know that the exercise from the rapier practice could be beneficial in maybe starting to lose weight (or at least stave off the gain), but it’s like no one understands how awful I feel about this. How humiliated I feel standing there with my sword, roughly one hundred pounds heavier than I was when I joined the SCA. A full adult heavier. Granted, it’s a small adult that I’ve gained, but a fully grown adult nonetheless.

I want to lose weight, I do, but it’s hard to change forty-year-old habits. For half my life I was skinny, and my stomach and brain haven’t come to terms with the fact that I can’t eat anything like I used to.

My primary care physician isn’t much help. He either blames it on my meds or says that I have to cut calories to under 1200 a day to even begin to lose weight. He offers no other solutions, no other advice, and when I try to cut back I’m met with a deep, painful hunger that feels like it will never end.

I don’t like missing out on rapier fun. I don’t like stuffing my face with whatever I can get my hands on. I don’t like having such a gnawing hunger that I start to cough from the acid churning in my empty stomach. I don’t like having to buy larger and larger clothes. I don’t like the way I feel in general.

But most importantly? I don’t like having to say this. I don’t like the pressure I am getting from well-meaning friends who just want to see me excited about fighting again.

So I’m saying it now: until and unless I lose at least eighty pounds and keep it off, I might not come back to rapier. Sorry. I just don’t have it in me, physically, emotionally, or mentally, to get back out there.

I might some day. Start over once the weight isn’t an issue.

But now? Now is no. Just accept me and my choice and maybe I’ll see some of you on the other side of a gastric bypass.

It’s that time of year again! My 40th birthday has officially arrived, and I feel–just the same at 39. Lol We had a nice party at my house last night to celebrate, and Rory’s feeling better (I haven’t been in the mood to post the past few days because he wasn’t well, but with medications and time he’s been doing much better). A bunch of my friends came over, and my family visited from next door.

Most of my birthday money is going to an attachment we want for the car, but I have a little cash left over that I’m trying to decide what to do with. Do I want a small, simple sewing/embroidery-related tattoo, or do I want to get a couple new piercings? Decisions, decisions.

The embroidery is going full swing, with still several projects-in-progress, and I’ve done a lot of preparatory work on the Abnormal series but no more actual writing. I think I need to wait until the bulk of the embroidery is done before I get back to it…It’s just stretching myself too thin to try to do ALL THE THINGS.

The interview for Muses and Murderers didn’t happen the other day; hopefully today goes better for planning and execution. I’d like to get this webcast off the ground, but it’s slow going when your co-host is in another state.

All in all, 40 is turning out so far to be not a big deal. I mean, it’s a “milestone” birthday I guess, but I don’t really feel any different. Not wiser, not necessarily older, just me…with presents. 😉

Theoretically (pending test of Skype), today will be the first taping of Muses and Murderers Webcast, the brainchild of myself and fellow author Angelique Jordonna. I say “theoretically” because I’ve been so busy with embroidery and my own writing that I kinda haven’t been organizing and promoting the webcast like I should be.

Don’t get me wrong; we’ve got enough guests lined up for a solid couple of months worth of shows. But I should be getting the word out.

Today’s show will be the first recorded, but it won’t be the first episode aired. No, I have to learn how to edit the video and what have you. That, and I promised someone else they’d be the first guest, so I have to air them “out of order” in a manner of speaking.

Fingers crossed that everything goes well! I am kind of nervous about it all of a sudden. I mean, it’s just going to be myself, Angelique, and an actor friend of mine, but still….nerves.

Then add to that the fact that my little big boy Rory is sick or something. He’s been trying to use the litter boxes all day long and–nothing. Just nothing. I’m super worried, but he’s acting more or less normal otherwise. We got him some probiotic fiber treats in case it’s constipation, but if it’s not that I don’t know what I’m going to do. Super, super worried.

Angelique moved recently, and her service is sketchy where she’s at. So I need to get in touch with her to find out if she can even do the show today.

And I gotta do something to distract myself from the worry.

It’s almost here–my week-long staycation from the day job! I have Monday still to work and then I’m a free agent. Well, not quite free. I have a paid commission to work on during this week. And I’m pretty much done with the first super secret project, so it’s on to another, personal secret project, plus a couple commissions for elevations and an investiture.

My 40th birthday falls during my week off (hence the reason I’m taking a week off lol), and I’m having a small party at my house the day before. I’d say it feels weird to be almost 40, but I’ve been telling people I’m “almost 40” (instead of saying “39”) for months now, so it almost feels like I’m already 40. The next week and some change is just a formality.

Once I’m reasonably caught up with projects, I’ll slow down on the embroidery and get back to writing. My publisher is hosting a “90 days to a submission-ready manuscript” workshop starting next month, so I hope I can be mostly caught up with embroidery and get working on that ASAP.

I know I can’t work on embroidery the entire week I’m off…that would be suicide! Lol I’ve also got some testing and doctor’s appointments and stuff sprinkled in there, and I’ll of course take intermittent breaks to keep my joints from seizing up on me.

It’ll be nice to have that week away from the monotony of the day job. I like my job, don’t get me wrong, but it’s the same thing week after week after week after week after…well, anyway, it wears on a soul after a while.

I have entirely too much free time on my hands this morning.

So here’s what happened: Last night, I decided I wanted to redo my character sheets for all my main/secondary characters. Why? Because things had changed, and because they were largely handwritten and sloppy, and because I was starting to lose track of the connections between characters and their age differences.

That’s how it started, anyway. I got a couple done last night and a few more this morning, but as I was putting my sheets into neatly-organized page protectors in my writing binder, I thought, “Hmm…It would really help to have a visual reference for some of the more major players.” Yeah. So the aesthetic boards/sheets became a thing.

I gotta admit, it looks real spiffy. I can flip through the pages, see which sheets go with which characters at a glance, and if I forget a birth date or something I can simply flip back and double check, and there’s plenty of room on each sheet to write in changes/additions/etc if I don’t want to reprint the thing.

I won’t do the aesthetic boards/sheets for every character–that’s just too time-consuming. But I’m going to try to at least make up a detailed character sheet to flesh out the more prominent characters. I feel like a nutjob with all the connections I have to keep track of. It’s a little like this:

I might end up having to buy a big ol’ corkboard and some string and some thumb tacks and do just that. Lol The further along I get with the series, the more I have to remember.

Hopefully, these character sheets and their info will bleed into my story and provide more depth. They’ve certainly already given me new ideas. Like, three or four books later ideas. Possibly a spinoff series? Hmm…

Time has caught up with me though, so I must go get ready for the day job. Then, when I get home, more character sheets. Or something.

It used to be so easy. A quick web search, some clicking and verifying, and BAM!–tweets auto-posted to my Facebook profile or page, and these blog posts auto-posted to my Facebook page.

I guess it’s not so easy anymore. For one thing, Facebook’s gotten a tad full of itself and won’t allow cross-posting with Twitter now. A year ago I could, and I turned off the function a while back because I wasn’t getting much traction with it. I’d like to try it again, but……no go. Looks like I’ll just have to deal with manually copy/pasting the links for the blog posts, and I’ll just have to figure out how I want to post excerpts from my works-in-progress and finished works to my Facebook page.

Competition is great for some things, but sometimes it sucks.

Revisions have been stalled as I’ve kinda been foggy lately, but I have the whole afternoon off today–plus tomorrow morning–so I think I should be able to knock them out soon. I’m over halfway done, so it’s just a matter of sitting down at the laptop and focusing. I’ve actually got roughly thirty pages left to revise, so I’m closer than I thought I was. Cool.

Then, of course, it’s back to the publisher for the next round of edits. I’m a little disappointed in how long the first round of edits took to come back, but my publisher is growing, and with that growth comes an influx of manuscripts that need work. I can’t expect them to be as speedy as they were when they only had a handful of books to edit. As soon as I’m done with these revisions (and with the multitude of embroidery projects I have) I’ll have to reread Book 3’s draft and remind myself of where I was at and what changes I wanted to make. I know, I know, most people say to knock out the first draft in its entirety first before revising, but I’ve had an epiphany of where the story needs to go, and it’s not where it was going before.

I’ll also have to do a bit of research for Book 3’s new direction. There’s a plot thread I want to use that I have no experience with. I want to make it as authentic as I can–for a sci-fi novel, that is.

So, let’s do a rundown of the projects I currently am in the “in progress” stage of:
1- Super Secret Project #1: A project that I can’t go into just yet, but one that I hope will make the person very happy when they see it. Due before September 7. About 1/4 of the way finished….roughly.
2- Also Secret Project #2: An embroidery project. Also due before September 7. Roughly half finished with the three-part project.
3- Not a Secret Because It’s a Paid Commission: You guessed it! Embroidery. Due in September. Started but need to work more on it.
4- REVISIONS!!!! Due soonest. Can’t focus this morning to save my life.
5- Yet Another Secret Project #3: Not yet begun, but there’s only a self-imposed deadline of October. Maybe. Maybe December.
6- Not as Secret Commission for an Elevation: Due roughly mid September. No clue on size/design yet.
7- Thing that I’m Sure I’m Forgetting: I dunno. I just feel like the above list isn’t complete.

Now, that sounds like a lot of stuff–especially given that most of them are due in a little over a month (less for the revisions). But I think I can do it. Maybe. Possibly.

How am I doing all this? Well, it’s time to compartmentalize. Mornings (pre-husband-waking-up) are for revisions and maybe #1. Evenings are for #s 2 & 3. As soon as one of 1, 2, & 3 are done, evenings will be for #6. #5 will get smushed in once 1, 2, 3, & 4 are done, most likely during the morning hours…or at work on my lunch break, as #1 has been.

I’m pretty sure I have it all handled–so far. We’ll see what else I can possibly get involved in for the coming months.

Oh wait! #7: Revising/reworking my A&S paper for the hood I embroidered for the Kingdom-level competition, as well as (maybe?) making and researching another item. Maybe. Due end of September.

So yeah. Full plate on my table. Multiple plates. I’ve got a seven-course dinner ahead of me, and though I’m not sure my stomach has room for it all, I think I can do it. Because I’m stubborn like that. (And because I want to build a reputation for my art in our Kingdom, and the best way is to keep doing the art.)

Book 2 will be done soon. I’m more than halfway through revisions, and I might add that to the evening schedule so I can finish on time, then put #2 on the docket for after work.

Busy busy busy…but I’ve got two half days this week, which will help immensely with #s 2 & 4, and a whole week off for my birthday, which will help with all the things.

Shit. My birthday week….when we start taping for Muses and Murderers. There’s a whole slew of things to add to my to-dos. Crap.

Guess I’d better get to it!

Hey, all! If you follow this blog regularly, you may have heard of the new webcast I’m planning with fellow author Angelique Jordonna called Muses and Murderers Webcast. We’re looking for guests for our upcoming show, slated to start at the end of August or early September (we’re working full-time in addition to the writing and show-running, so we’ve still gotta figure out schedules lol), and Muses and Murderers has a blog site up and semi-running. (See previous parenthetical about work lol) The email address for Muses and Murderers–yes, we’ve got one of those, too–is musesandmurderers@mail.com and yes, I get notifications on those emails, so send us your info if you want to appear!

The show is looking to be a lot of fun, with authors, actors, producers, and cosplayers. A diverse group for sure, but all with one thing in common: Stories. (Yes, even cosplayers have stories to share.) And, as with all stories, one must at times kill one’s darlings, and thus you have our show name.

More info will be forthcoming once we get more details hammered down. We’re looking to record first, edit, then air on IGTV (Instagram TV), with the links to appear here and on the Muses and Murderers blog after. We’ll be posting requests for questions to ask the guests prior to each episode, and I think we’re looking to air weekly. Questions? Email the above address for Muses and Murderers.

Time to head for the dreaded day job! See y’all soon!

Life. It’s tough sometimes. You get crazy days at work, hard choices at home, and sometimes even sleep throws you a curve ball.

Take the above laptop image. I try to be as careful as possible with my laptop. I’m gentle with it when I open and close it, I don’t drop it off the couch, I watch the case like a hawk when I’ve got it out away from home–and yet, the casing of the laptop has cracked to the point of requiring tape intervention measures to keep it together.

It’s kinda like life, I guess. You do whatever you can to make sure life’s going well, but still things crack and fall apart and then what do you do? Well, just like with the laptop, you grab something to hold it together and then pray it works.

I wonder what would be the painter’s tape of life in this metaphor… Possibly the meds I take for the bipolar disorder? Who knows. Regardless, when I look at this poor, sad little laptop all I can think is “Yeah, life’s just like that.”

The tape’s only been there a day, but it’s holding its own so far. When the tape gives out, I guess I’ll have to get, well, more tape. Is that a good thing to do in life though? Keep putting more “tape” on the hinge to keep yourself from coming, well, unhinged? That’s probably where the metaphor ends–or does it?

I mean, if push comes to shove I can always order a new laptop casing–or a new laptop–but I can’t order a new life. That’s not really feasible with today’s technology. Maybe in a couple decades when we are able to sync our thoughts with AI or robotics or something. For now, though, we get what we get and that’s it. No do-overs. No shiny new casings. One life. So get the tape while it still works and tape that sucker together, because you’re not getting a new cover any time soon.