Writer’s block sucks, especially when it’s something as simple as a blog title. Or a blog subject, for that matter.
I could write about the stress of prepping for the upcoming out-of-state war event, but I’ve done enough whining about that. I could write a short story or some flash fiction, but again, writer’s block. I could write about the fact that my industrial piercing’s healed enough for me to put my freaking sword barbell in…but that’s not enough for a whole blog post. Hell, it’s freakin’ National Poetry Day and I got nothing. Zilch. Zippo. Nada.
So what am I even doing writing right now? Honestly, I don’t know. I think I’m avoiding doing any actual work, like finishing the tunics that need to be done before the event or revising Book 1 or hell, even practicing rapier stuff. But no, I’m writing a blog. A nonsensical, pointless blog.
Sometimes I guess you just need to zone a bit. Let that mental jelly ooze out. Barf up all the thoughts that have been upsetting your stomach and then wipe the bile off the corner of your mouth and go on with life.
Okay, maybe that metaphor/analogy/whatever was a little bit gross, but you get the gist of it. Basically, even when I have nothing to write, sometimes I just have to write for the sake of writing.
Perhaps tomorrow–or the next day, or the next–we’ll be back to our semi-regularly scheduled programming.
Category: Stress
Let slip the dogs of war
I’m almost there with the tunics! Thanks to a good friend, I was able to get the tunics mostly done (three have minor things to finish, one complete cut-and-sew left to go) last week/weekend, and hopefully this week I’ll be able to put those last touches on everything.
My husband is diligently planning the food for the event. He’s the resident cook, and we’ve got a decent-sized group that we’re camping with. Between the two of us, the stress is kind of starting to suffocate a little.
Still, stress aside, we’re both excited. I should be able to get my sword barbell for my industrial piercing put in this Saturday, which means I’ll have it for the war! I can hardly wait. 🙂 The piercing is healing well, well enough that I can take my fencing mask off and on with no problems. The only irritation I have is when I wake up, and I think that having the shorter barbell in will make that better because it won’t be able to slide around when I inevitably toss and turn in my sleep.
Work is going to be hectic leading up to our departure time, which will be immediately after I get off of work next Wednesday. One week and some change. I should be able to get those tunics all finished by then.
One week and some change.
And then we’re off to war.
T-minus 9 days
Nine days and counting until my first out-of-state war. Nine days to finish three tunics (one of the four is finally complete, one only needs the rest of the trim sewn down, one is cut but not pinned/sewn, and one hasn’t even been cut yet). I have my hands full, that’s for sure.
Thankfully, I have great friends to help out and make the time pass better. One of my friends has offered use of her home’s space to do my cutting and whatnot, as well as offering her company, both of which I am grateful for. I discovered last week that I tend to operate more efficiently (still slowly, but more efficiently) when I have someone to talk to, gossip with, whatever, than when I’m in my own workspace. I think part of it is that I get distracted by things like my phone, the Internet, and other projects that are piling up as well. None of that is really conducive to finishing these tunics.
My hope is to get the already-cut tunic finished and the not-yet-been-cut one cut and maybe pinned today. That would be a tremendous weight off my shoulders as far as the deadline to finish these. Hell, I might be able to get some trim on a couple more tunics instead of just the one.
The only good thing about this deadline is that it’s taking my mind off the reason for the deadline: the war itself. I haven’t done many rapier melees, and the ones I’ve done have mostly been practice. Okay, almost all been practice. I’ve been told it’s easier when you’re in the thick of it, but that doesn’t do much to calm my nerves about it. So far, I tend to be too slow and clunky on the field, especially compared to my more experienced comrades. Even my husband is much better on the battlefield, but I sometimes wonder if that’s due to his military experience. Hell, most of them have military experience. They know how to follow orders, how to make heat-of-the-moment decisions, all that stuff. Orders process immediately in their mind, whereas I have to think about okay, what was said? Oh yeah, this. So I need to do this. By which point in time the order for “this” has passed and they’re on to another order.
Now I’ve gotten myself all worked up over it again. Geez. I guess I should put down the laptop and get my fabric and thread together. I’ve got a lot of work to do.
Staking claim
As they said in Mortal Kombat:
What, exactly? The house. Our house. The stakes marking the corners of the house are in place and spray-painted bright pink. It’s not the official “ground-breaking,” but ground was technically broken.
Our original layout for the house turned out to be an ill fit, but we changed the orientation of the house in re the road and it’s all gravy now. My husband thinks it looks pretty tiny from looking at those four bright pink stakes, but having seen how HUGE my parents’ house turned out to be after it was finished, I know it will be plenty for the two of us (and Rory). I’m super excited for construction to get started. Next week the septic guy will come out and do tests on the dirt for all that stuff. In around a month–maybe a little less–construction will begin.
By our fifth anniversary, our home will be finished and we will be in the process of moving in. I still can’t believe it. I’d never thought that I’d have a home of my own (unless you count jointly inheriting my parents’ house some time in the distant future), let alone a freshly-built one.
We’re even making plans for years and years down the line. Distant future. More than just until the current lease is up. Long-term plans. It blows my mind. I’m so beyond excited. I may be busy as shit lately, but in the background is that constant buzzing of “new house new house new house new house“…
It’s starting.
It has begun.
Into the ring
For the past several months I have been in a “deputy” position for a large volunteer/charity group. Last night, the opportunity came up for me to take the lead position in that department, and I decided to bite the bullet and submit myself for consideration.
I don’t know that anyone else would even want the position, because it’s a stressful one, but still, I’m a little nervous. I mean, I’ve only been with the organization for six months; kind of soon to take over a role like this. As far as I know, anyway. Everyone was surprised when I was made deputy after only three months of participating, so I’m guessing that six months is a little soon.
It’s going to be a lot of work, but I think I’m ready. I just have to get my lazy butt up earlier (is that even possible?) and get cracking every day. Pay more attention to the myriad of groups and pages and sites and events and … well, anyway, if I get the position, I’ll have my hands full.
Fingers crossed!
Renaissance Woman
Three and a half tunics to make in the span of about two weeks? Okay, I can do that. Two full Italian Renaissance outfits before mid December? Sure. Maybe. I think.
The first workshop for the Renaissance garb is tomorrow, and it looks to be a long, involved one. Learning measurements, pattern adjustments, making pattern pieces, etc. … and the person running the workshop suggested packing a lunch. Geez-o-Pete, what have I gotten myself into? Lol
Luckily, I have some fabric left over from the Dark Phoenix steampunk cosplay, and I think it might be enough to make my husband a doublet and use the leftovers for parts of my gown. Not enough for complete “matching” outfits–that’s just not going to happen–but enough that we can coordinate. So we still get the his-and-hers garb that my husband likes to wear.
Don’t get me wrong: I don’t mind matching all our garb. I’d just like a little individuality from time to time. Thankfully I have enough derp-it-ness to be able to alter the garb I’m making so we don’t 100% match. Different trims or color blocking help, as well as the basic shape of the garb, specifically tunics. I make mine with a more “girly” shape, so even though it’s “boy’s clothes” that my persona wears I still have enough distinction between our things to be satisfied with that.
Tonight after work will likely be fabric shopping. Gotta get the basic stuff we’ll need for the Renaissance garb, because the person running the workshop said she plans on having us start cutting into the fabric during tomorrow’s session. Crapola. Guess we’re going to be giving JoAnn’s a good chunk of this week’s paycheck. Italian Renaissance garb was not designed to be thrifty as far as the yardage goes. They liked poof. LIVED FOR poof. The poofier the better. Not like the Vikings, who made due with a couple yards each for a piece of garb. Enough to cover you and add some sleeves (because the Nordic and Russian regions are cold as fuck and the Vikings needed the long sleeves much of the time from what I can tell).
I’ve also got a cape to make before the beginning of October, but that one concerns me much less. Big yardage to buy, yes, but simpler construction.
I probably should be working on that instead of typing this up. Definitely should be.
Into the fray I go!
To draw or not to draw
So for my first official totally-done-by-me scroll, I wanted to use my own design for the border. My own design kinda sucks compared to some scrolls that I’ve seen (okay, compared to most of the scrolls I’ve seen), so before I make it permanent with painting, I have to decide if I want to stick with “original” or go more “classic/medieval” in the design.
The first two scrolls I made (which were mostly done by me, with the Baronial device painted in by someone else) were quite simple and had no borders. The layout wasn’t quite designed for borders, so I suppose that part is okay, but I’d prefer to make it great, not “okay.” I want someone to be excited to get their scroll. I want them to want to display it, especially since this award is usually one of the first that people in our Barony receive.
So I have a dilemma. Do I stick with my original art, which is passable but not “period,” or do I find a suitable border online and print/trace (with maybe some alterations to the design)? I’m waffling.
Hopefully, with time, I’ll become “good enough” that I won’t have to worry about this. I will be able to mimic medieval style without having to research medieval designs. That would be cool. I’m pretty sure I can eventually do it–after all, I taught myself figure drawing by copying and altering comic book drawings.
Tomorrow night is our scribal night. There are going to be a bunch of us getting together, practicing and being assigned different scrolls to work on. Despite my insecurity on my own art, it should be fun.
The long road ahead
Got my critique back on Book 1 of my series….*sigh* Lots of work to do.
I knew I had a lot of “telling,” exposition, wordiness, and adverbs, so those comments weren’t surprising, but I still don’t quite know how to fix the issues. Some pacing issues that I was kind of aware of as well, some that I hadn’t noticed…and a few chapters of different POV that I thought necessary but the readers, not so much. So now I have to also figure out how to convey that info–which my main character has no way of knowing until the end–without switching points of view. Fuck.
It’ll all be worth it in the end, I know, but damn. I’m kind of overwhelmed. Some of the “problems” are part of my personal style, so I have to get into a different mindset to write it “right,” but some of them are things that flustered me to start with and are just beyond my current ability–or maybe just my current confidence–to fix.
The POV thing is really bugging me. I tried to throw in some politics and intrigue and plotting but now what do I do with it? Chuck it all? If I do that, the ending makes no sense. None. It comes out of left field without the snippets of the antagonist’s POV. Hell, the antagonist comes out of left field without them. Although apparently the ending needs a lot of work, too….
There’s a lot of rereading and revising and rereading and brainstorming and crying and tearing my hair out and revising and cursing and… Yeah. It’s like that.
Well, maybe I should take it in stages. Chapter by chapter? Issue by issue? Do I attack the exposition first then the adverbs then the pacing? Ugh. So much all at once. With Whispers of Death, not only was I self-publishing but I was also getting critiques a chapter or two at a time. So it was much less overwhelming as far as fixes go.
I can do this. I have to tell myself that. I can do this. It might take a while, it might take a lot of work, but I can do it. I also have to remind myself that I’m way ahead of schedule as far as where I wanted to be when I made my “new year’s resolution.” I thought it was a reasonable goal to have the first draft of Book 1 finished by the end of the year. Now it’s 2/3 of the way through the year and I’m on like draft 6 or 7 or something crazy like that, plus draft 1 of Book 2 with a few ideas on where to go with Book 3. So I have that going for me.
I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this….
Life cuts like a knife …. Er, sword
Isn’t that a beaut? Okay, so it’s not super elegant….but it’s mine. I got my first sword a week ago (not counting the loaner I’ve been using the past 6 months) and I like to think that its length gave me the boost I needed to do as well as I did in the rapier tournament last weekend.
Unfortunately, I can’t fight off life with it.
Work still sucks. The OT hours are great for paychecks, not so great for sanity. I’d rather be stabbing my friends. (Dude, I totally need to put that on a T-shirt.) I am just reaching the point of burnout. Sure, I have a three-day weekend coming up, and sure, next month is my first “foreign war” (an event in California), but the little bits of break just don’t seem to be enough. If I didn’t need to save my PTO for events and make money for the house building, I’d request off an afternoon here or there to give myself a few more bits of break. As it is, I’ll have to suck it up and deal with it.
And stab people whenever possible. Because swords.
So much to do, so little time for nothing
Eight to twelve hours at work five days a week. Either game or events on Saturdays, then Sundays are either visiting with family/doing laundry/rapier practice or more event stuff. Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday evenings after work are for exercising, and Friday is more rapier practice. I occasionally get scheduled for a half day here and there, but inevitably someone calls out and I end up working the whole day.
That bugs the ever-living snot out of me. I feel like people see that I’m scheduled off-unless-needed and decide to suddenly be “sick” when they really just want a free day.
Why don’t I get free days? I don’t blame my bosses; they have to staff the clinic as is necessary. I kind of blame my coworkers sometimes though. Okay, most of the time. I mean, do they realize the kind of life I lead? If it wasn’t for my early-morning insomnia I’d never get anything done outside of work. No writing. No sewing. No artwork. Nothing. Just because I’m not out partying every night or don’t have kids to take care of doesn’t mean I don’t have things to do.
I’m tempted to request off more often just to get a break here and there, despite the need for PTO when I actually need the off days. I just can’t seem to catch a break.
Maybe this afternoon I’ll get the half day I was hoping for.
Maybe. But I doubt it.