Emotionally disturbed and socially inept

I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t like being like this. But I am like this, so I have to deal.

Today, I am not dealing well.

The long car ride to Phoenix was fine. The yard sale was okay until strangers started showing up and the driveway got crowded. The next place we went had fewer people–at first. I was able to sew, and I was okay. I could focus on that and not on how many people were around me.

Then I finished the embroidery I was working on, and I had fewer distractions.

Then more people showed up.

And more people.

And dear Gods, MORE people.

Okay, maybe it wasn’t that bad. But try telling my brain that.

Now we’re gone from that place and headed to another place… With more people.

Intellectually, I know it’s not going to kill me to socialize. So why does my flight-or-fight response kick into high gear?

My go-to is flight, hands down. Except I can’t flee from being social with friends every time. That’s how you end up with no friends.

I’ll calm down eventually. Right now I’m still on edge, and I may or may not be able to make it through the next social thing. But I’ll try, because it’s important to people who are important to me.

And maybe that’s what I have to do: remind myself that these people are important to me and suck it up as best as I can.