For the past several months I have been in a “deputy” position for a large volunteer/charity group. Last night, the opportunity came up for me to take the lead position in that department, and I decided to bite the bullet and submit myself for consideration.
I don’t know that anyone else would even want the position, because it’s a stressful one, but still, I’m a little nervous. I mean, I’ve only been with the organization for six months; kind of soon to take over a role like this. As far as I know, anyway. Everyone was surprised when I was made deputy after only three months of participating, so I’m guessing that six months is a little soon.
It’s going to be a lot of work, but I think I’m ready. I just have to get my lazy butt up earlier (is that even possible?) and get cracking every day. Pay more attention to the myriad of groups and pages and sites and events and … well, anyway, if I get the position, I’ll have my hands full.
Fingers crossed!
Category: Thoughts
Heralding in change
As I delve deeper into my “medieval” life, I have the urge to design some kind of heraldic crest for myself. Why? Partly because I’d like to play around with design, partly because I just want a cool symbol for me.
My persona is named after a valkyrie that is associated with swans, which may not sound very imposing, but swans can kick ass when they want to. So I searched The Google for Viking-esque images of swans. I found a cool one that I’d like to use, but I thought I would still *try* to come up with something on my own. I’m terrible at actual Viking/Celtic knotwork without copying, but I can make stylized stuff that’s somewhat decent. So these are what I’ve come up with so far:
The top one is the copy design, with a sword behind it (because rapiers). The bottom one is my own design. I like my own design, but it’s not really a “Viking” style, and it doesn’t lend well to adding a sword or other item to it. I mean, I kind of can, but I’m not sure on it…Kinda dig it, kinda don’t. Still sketching on that one. What do you think?
It looks better now that I’ve gotten the swords on there, I guess. So the next question is, do I want to even go for a heraldic crest at this point? I’ve only been playing about five or six months…is it too early for a crest? My “persona” might not be fully formed yet. I dig the idea of the swan because it’s both graceful and a bit aggressive. Though I’m not the most graceful person, I can, in rapier at least, be more than a bit aggressive. But is that who I want to “be”? I don’t know, but I think I might’ve kinda maybe sorta talked myself into it with this post.
What does everyone think? The not-quite-Viking-esque swan with swords or the copycatted-Google-image with a sword? I am digging the not-quite-Viking one more and more as I look at it, but I’m asking what you think….
Natural Armor +1
We all have our little defenses in life. Some of us use humor, some of us separate ourselves from people or situations that make us uncomfortable, and some of us throw ourselves full-on into work or hobbies.
My go-to defenses? I’d have to say it’s a combination of the three. If I don’t know what to say, I joke. If I don’t like the people or things happening around me, I shrink back and hide, and if I get overwhelmed with work or hobbies I dive into whichever one is the lesser of the two evils at that particular moment.
Social anxiety is one thing I have to defend myself from quite a bit. I have a terrible fear of meeting new people, having to remember names, faces, important dates–it’s just too much sometimes. In those instances, my best armor is one that would fall in the Natural Armor category in tabletop gaming…or would that be Charisma? I’m talking, of course, about RBF: Resting Bitch Face. Yes, I am an RBF sufferer. Except I don’t suffer. I use it to my advantage whenever possible.
With RBF, I can avoid social interaction should I choose. If I actually want to participate, I just have to focus on actually smiling and nodding and acknowledging the people around me. If not, I let my facial features relax and let people think what they may of me. If people want to assume that I’m a bitch, go right ahead. Then they’ll feel like assholes when they find out I’m actually quite nice and polite. 😉
Whatever your armor or defense may be, don’t let it take you out of the world completely. We all need some kind of human interaction to get by, even if it’s just a couple times a month. Let your RBF glow, but turn it off every once in a while to make friends and participate in life.
Another year gone by
Here it is: 38. Feels about like 37. And 36. Et cetera et cetera, ad nauseum, whatever. It doesn’t even feel a year closer to 40. It just feels like another year.
I’ve gotten a lot accomplished in the last year, I guess. Completed two full cosplays in record time (for me); finished the first draft of two different novels; started learning rapier fighting; taught myself how to sew Viking garb and stuffed animals…not too bad of a haul for a year.
Oh yeah, and there’s that house thing. Starting the process of building a home from the ground up. I suppose I should count that in my accomplishments. That’s more of a joint venture, though. The husband and I are in it together, through the thick and thin of it. Six and a half years together, five years to the day since he proposed, and a little over four years of marriage.
Do I have any special hopes for this birthday? Well, I have a few things I’ve been hoping for gift-wise, but that’s selfish stuff. I hope that work goes well. I hope that I get to leave work early enough to make it to the city for birthday dinner. I hope my friends enjoy the restaurant we’re meeting at. I hope for a free dessert. I hope the drives to the city and on to my in-laws’ are smooth and uneventful. Lots of hopes, but mostly just hoping for a good day with friends and family–after work of course.
Yep, I’m working on my birthday. I do most years; it’s kind of just another day in the grand scheme of things. Sure, sometimes I request for a vacation day so I can spend time with my family or take a day/weekend trip or just chill at home, but not always. There was even one time where I worked at two different jobs on my birthday. You gotta do what you gotta do, after all.
I’m wondering when the impending big 4-0 is going to hit me. For 30, it hit exactly one month before I turned 29; I was suddenly filled with anxiety and dread over reaching that milestone, which now seems insignificant. Will 40 be the same? Will I become obsessed with the notion that I’m “old”? We’ll see.
Surreal
Taking big steps lately to becoming, like, a real adult. More than just working and paying bills. Sure, there’s work involved–and paying bills–but it’s both exciting and a little unreal. I mean, I don’t think I ever imagined being at this point in my life. Suddenly, things are happening. Okay, starting to happen. Like, they won’t happen for a while, but plans are being made and things are going from theory to discussion to hopefully reality.
Cosplay, on the other hand, has suffered due to my increasing obsession with Pokémon Go and the exercise I’ve been getting. I haven’t been spending as much time in the craft room, and now that I’m only a month out from when we leave for Dragon Con I’m feeling the Crunch. I have to step things up on the sewing, but tomorrow is reserved for prop-building with some new friends. They’re much more experienced than we are, so we’re hoping they can give us more pointers than the panels we attended at Phoenix Comicon. We’re still a little in over our heads, but we’re willing to learn and we’ve gotten most of the supplies and (we think) all of the materials we’ll need. Basically the only thing left to buy is the corset boning, and I have to get off my Poké-ass and get to sewing so I know what lengths of boning I’ll need.
Writing is pretty much at a standstill…again. I keep getting new ideas on how my society will play out, trying to imagine what life will be like a couple hundred years from now. Will space travel be a common thing, or will it have been a passing fad? What kind of tech will be available? What about society itself? Will things improve from today’s media-fed nightmare, or will it all go to shit? Well, it’s a dystopian setting I’m aiming for so I’m guessing things will go to shit, but to what extreme?
But this new thing–this adulting thing–this is a vision of the future that is tangible, that I can actually see and envision with clarity. Change, in this case, is something that I think is a good thing.
Playing God
As I work on my next novel, a sci-fi/dystopian piece, I’m in awe of authors who can create whole worlds from scratch.
With my novel, I’m skipping ahead a century or two, but I’m sticking to good ol’ Earth as my locale. I figure it’s easier to try to envision how today’s events may unfold into tomorrow’s reality than to build an entire world (or universe) from my imagination. Can I look at today’s tech and society and draw lines from now to then? Well, I sure hope so. But trying to create technology that has never existed (and may never exist) all the while weaving the threads of a society that evolved and developed such technology…it’s mind-blowing.
Creators of fantasy/high fantasy/epic fantasy also amaze me. Forget science…we’re going to make a whole new world where physics is thrown out the window and metaphysics takes over, where there are creatures never before seen and people capable of unreal feats. It baffles me.
I’ve tried worldbuilding as a teen, and even a bit as an adult. I just can’t do it. I can’t get the details, the nuances, the little bits that make it all come together.
With my current WIP, I originally tried pantsing it, but it just wasn’t working. The world wasn’t rich enough, wasn’t deep enough. As I brainstorm and make notes, it’s slowly evolving into something much thicker. Meatier. Juicier. Plots are forming, technology is springing up, and the people living in the society that created this technology are starting to go about their daily lives. They’re coming to life.
I may not be able to create an entire world or universe out of thin air…but I’m slowly becoming the god of my vision of the future.
Public Displays
Responsibility can be a pain in the ass sometimes.
Remember that anthology I talk about every so often? Well, it’s in jeopardy now as yet another author has left the project…this time not due to lack of time to devote to the project, but rather due to a certain member’s public social media profile.
What blows about it is that I’m in a position of authority in the project so it’s partly my responsibility to see to the matter, because the now-former member has a point.
When you’re in a position like I am–like all of the authors in the project, really–you’ve got to think about the public face you put out for the world to see. This is a project involving authors from around the world, and the goal is trans-Atlantic publication. So yeah, it’s a lot to think about. How do you want potential publishers to see you? Do you have a profile that they wouldn’t want associated with their name, or is your public face free of blemishes?
I’ll freely admit that mine profile’s not 100% clean. There’s more than one reason I don’t put my day job down on Facebook, and the desire for the freedom to cuss every once in a while is just one of those reasons. Is it a profile that I’d be afraid to show publishers? No, because it’s who I am, and my writing reflects that–well, it generally reflects that. Obviously for the project I don’t write the same type of material that I write for personal things–heck, I even write differently here. But I try to keep from getting publicly involved in controversial topics and potentially offensive things (the occasional blue language notwithstanding). I also generally don’t add people under the age of 18 as friends or follow them on social media, not even family members, because I don’t feel that the things I post are appropriate for that age group.
Now, this isn’t something I had considered (as far as the project goes) until this was brought to my attention, but it is a valid point. Your public social media posts can come back to haunt you. Think about what you’re posting: Is it appropriate? Is it offensive? Is it excessively violent/graphic/etc.?
Think before you post, everyone. If you don’t have a problem with posting blatantly offensive or controversial, that’s all well and good. Just be aware that not everyone’s going to be fine with it and it could potentially cut off profitable avenues.
Times, they are a-changin’
Yeah, the news is rough. People killing people everywhere you look. It sucks.
But are the times really changing, or is it just that the media explosion of recent years makes it appear as though things are getting worse? It’s hard to tell. News outlets zero in on the worst news possible to get more ratings, and the public eats it up.
Either way, something’s gotta change. People have to stop being trigger-happy or something. Have to quit taking shit so seriously. Yes, I know, the stuff in the news today–police killing people, people killing police, terror bombings–it’s all serious shit. But the reasons for the killings are ridiculous.
I’m so sick of knee-jerk reactions in the media. A black person is killed by a white person and people are all up-in-arms. A white person is killed by a white person and it’s just a side note. It sucks. It really does. But is it enough to warrant riots or retaliation murders? I don’t think so.
The terror bombings, yes, should maybe be retaliated…but not against an entire race/religion/etc. Go after the people who did the bombing, not anyone who is the same religion they claim to be (and let’s face it, if these terrorists were truly religious they wouldn’t be doing that shit to begin with). All of this mob mentality against specific races/sexual orientations/religions is out of control.
I don’t just mean anti-black racism. There’s now just as much anti-white racism in the world, and don’t try telling me that just because my race is in the majority that we’re not subject to racism. Racism is, according to Merriam-Webster’s website, “1 : a belief that race is the primary determinant of human traits and capacities and that racial differences produce an inherent superiority of a particular race. 2 : racial prejudice or discrimination.” So yeah, white people can experience racism against them. Any race can experience racism against them. And it sucks.
In the same train of thought, any religion/gender/sexual orientation can experience discrimination against them. A gay club gets shot up? Must be homophobes, and since most homophobes are heterosexual, then heterosexuals must hate gays. It doesn’t make any sense. None of it does.
Do I have any real point to this other than “fucking stop hating each other already”? Not really. That’s what it boils down to. Stop the hate. Stop the gunshots and the bombings. Just stop it.
Empty Heart
My heart is empty
At the sickening news
Why can’t I feel
As others do
Why don’t I cry
Why don’t I weep
Why don’t I care
How can I sleep
And dream and live
As though nothing’s wrong
While others bleed
I sing along
As playlist finds
A happy tune
On this melancholy
Month of June
Dozens dead
And millions mourn
So why don’t I
Feel as forlorn
I know it’s sad
I know it’s wrong
So why can’t I
Grieve for the loss
Perhaps I’m cold
Perhaps a cynic
Is there perhaps
A caring clinic
A place to go
A place to learn
How I can care
And feel concern
I don’t know what
Is wrong with me
I cannot care
‘Bout pain I see
Experiment, Day 2
The second day of my free promotional period on Whispers of Death is over, and the numbers are about 100 less than they were on Day 1. I ended the day with almost 400 total with the two days combined, and so far today only 9 units have “sold.”
I’m debating on tweeting about it again, but I feel that’s part of my problem when it comes to marketing: I don’t know how much is too much. I feel like I’m annoying and/or bothering people with the tweets and Instagram photos and the like. Buuuuuut…I still want to get my book’s name out there. If people download it and read it and tell their friends how much they like it (hopefully they like it), then maybe after the promotion is over people will be more inclined to buy it.
Also, I’m hoping reviews start to come in. I’m sure having only four reviews so far isn’t helping me any. Well, I guess it’s helping a little. Even with the “decline” in units sold between Day 1 and Day 2, I’m still in the top 10 in the Occult genre on Kindle and hovering around 20 in the Paranormal & Urban Fantasy genre. Not too bad for someone who is almost a complete unknown.