My General Is One with the Force

In an unfortunate turn of events, my original blog post about Carrie Fisher’s death three years ago never migrated to this site when I bought this domain.

(You can read my original short tribute here. It’s a search link, but it’s there.)

Today, I saw her last performance as Leia Organa. I cried. Not loud, ugly crying, but I cried. Several times. I mean, I don’t cry at movies generally, but when I saw the name “General Leia Organa” on the screen, I teared up. Hell, when I saw the Star Wars scroll come on the screen, I teared up. I teared up when I thought of young Carrie. When I thought of flipping-people-off Carrie. When I saw Rey training with Leia. And the end–oh, my GODS, I cried. I left the theater sniffling.

The movie was amazing. Better than the eighth, possibly my new favorite of the Skywalker saga. But this post isn’t about the movie.

This post is about Carrie. About the impact her life–and death–had on me.

Since my original post is hidden on the interwebs, I’m going to write a new one. I get to do that, because this is my blog after all.

I never met Carrie. Never talked with her in any capacity, not even online. I have no connection to her in any way… Except for the bipolar disorder. That’s a thing we shared, and it’s a thing she was vocal about.

I want to be like that. I want to become a person who others see and say, “Hey, that chick is pretty cool. Oh hey, she has bipolar disorder. That’s cool.” I want people to see it as a part of me, but not all of me. I don’t want to hide it, and I want to be a part of making a world where no one has to hide it.

I’m not a huge celebrity like Carrie was. Is. She’s still with us in spirit, looking down on us all and giving us a big smile and bigger middle finger.

But she wasn’t always a big celebrity. She started out small, too, so there’s hope. Hope for everyone who wants to make it big, and hope for everyone who wants to make a difference. Maybe some day, someone who has read my writing, who hasn’t ever met me, will see a report about my death, and they’ll be sad. Maybe they’ll write their own blog post about the influence I had.

Not any time soon, mind you; I got shit to do. I’ve gotta write more books. Gotta spread the word about the things that affect me and many more like me. Gotta get out there, get known, and get busy. But maybe some day, when I become one with the Force, some stranger, some fan out there, will be affected. And maybe they’ll continue where I left off.

I’ve never shied away from talking about bipolar disorder and how it affects me, but now I’m going to make more of an effort to be vocal about it. I mean, I’m not going to get preachy or anything, but I’m going to be more … me.

Carrie Fisher wasn’t a friend of mine. She wasn’t anyone I’ve ever known. But she was a presence. She made an impact.

I want to make an impact.

I want to be a Force.

Stir crazy

It’s not even 24 hours since I got back from urgent care–hell, not even 12 hours–and I’m already going mad puttering around the house.

The first few hours were okay. I sat in the dark and coughed until my throat was raw. Then I coughed some more. I stayed up until my friend came to pick up the car to take to my husband in Tucson (he’d gotten a ride up there, and until the doc-in-the-box diagnosed me with the bronchitis I already knew I had, I was going to be his ride home), and then I slept for a few hours. Woke up at my usual nothing-in-the-morning, and surprisingly felt a lot better. Cough isn’t as prolific. Sinuses aren’t draining. I can breathe better. It’s amazing what a little antibiotic pill will do, given time to work.

Speaking of work, the next couple of months are going to suck. I’ve got to use all my PTO to fill up as much of the past two weeks as I can, so when Estrella War comes I won’t have as much available to use. It’s gonna be tight money-wise until I catch up from this mess. I missed two and a half days this week from sickness, and a full day from the holiday. Add in the fact that I had very few hours last week because of the holidays, and it equals a crap paycheck.

Even though I kind of feel a bit better now, I don’t want to risk making things worse by doing too much. There’s a lot of cleaning to do around the house, but I have to remind myself that I am still sick and I shouldn’t be overdoing things. Still, I’ll try to get the house straightened up as well as I can before my husband comes home.

I’d say that this is good for my writing, but I can’t focus very long at a time to be able to compose things. I’ve got a bit of attention deficit right now, whether brought on by the NyQuil or the sickness or who knows what. I’ll embroider for like twenty minutes, write for twenty or thirty, stare at the screen daydreaming for an hour, and repeat the cycle. Now I’m cruising Netflix in search of mindless fluff to watch. The first show I picked–Diabolo–was too full of cheese. I couldn’t finish even one episode, let alone binge a season. So I’m on to Coraline now. Never seen that one through to the end, and a movie’s easier on the attention span. Don’t have to remember what happened in the last episode.

I feel bad that I’m missing my husband’s second time being feast steward for an SCA event. I wanted to be there to support him, but I need this time at home to recoup.

Maybe later today I’ll have a story to give you. I might drudge up some prompt or other, either a stock photo or a Pinterest prompt to get the creative juices flowing.

Pan’s Labyrinth! That’s the ticket. I can listen to the Spanish while I do other stuff and let the visuals seep into my subconscious. Then, when I’m in the proper mindset, I can drum up some new writing.

Revealing

Five days. Just five little days to the cover reveal for Abnormal. Five days til the preorder link goes live. Nineteen days to the book release.
Not that I’m counting down or anything.
The excitement is getting to me just a little bit. A lot. I can’t have a cover reveal party because I didn’t find out the date for the reveal until after I’d made plans for that day, but I’m hoping my husband will let me have a few friends over on the day the book releases. A few friends and some alcohol. And books. They’d better have books. Lol
Ooh, I need pens! Lots of different colors! Or Sharpies. I’ve seen authors use big, bold Sharpies to sign books. Back to school sales are still going on, right? Maybe I’ll find a sweet deal Friday. Because autographs are a thing.
I’ve nudged the local bookstore to see if they have a date when they’d want me there for an event/signing. I need to step up my game though. There’s radio stations, newspapers, TV stations, libraries–I have to get all the things done, and I’m running out of time. Man, it really snuck up on me. Five days, dude. Less than a week until the world sees what Abnormal will look like. Less than a week until they can place orders for Abnormal. Wow.
My mind is continually being blown here. It’s a whirlwind of dates and things. I’ve got X due for the SCA on this day, Y to do for Abnormal on the next, then work and work and work and Z for Abnormal and…. Well, you get the drift.
So. Bloody. Exciting. And Book 2 is still well underway, so we’ll see what I can come up with for that. I’m looking over it again after some “time off” from it to get a fresh look. Seems like solid writing, but I know I need to add more to it. The word count isn’t quite up to par yet, so I have some work to do there as well. I need to tweak and fidget and adjust until it’s ready for submission.
Shit. I have to do an outline. And a query letter. And a synopsis. And…and…and…Oh, hell. I forgot about that part of the process. Well, better get to it.

Upcoming ups and comings

Q&A is set for next Wednesday, 2pm PST! 🙂 I’ll go live on Twitter to answer questions about Abnormal, but you can send me questions ahead of time or send them to RhetAskew Publishing by using the email link at the bottom of their page. More questions means more answers…but no spoilers! 😉
Also next week (Monday afternoon or evening): Shy little ol’ me is going to try to do either a video recording of me reading an excerpt from Chapter 1 of Abnormal or maybe–maybe–a live reading. It depends on my courage at the time. I’ve gotta get used to being on-camera for interviews and what have you, but I want to dip my toes first. So, either live or recorded, I’ll be reading from Abnormal next Monday afternoon. Probably around….Well, it depends on my courage. Two-ish PST if I’m live, a little later if I choke and record it.
I’ll also be setting up interviews and blog tours (that’s a thing I heard of, but don’t ask me how they work just yet–the Askew team will be helping me) and some other stuff along the way. I’m getting busier and busier as September 1st approaches, and that will be far from the end of it. I have to contact bookstores and libraries about potential events/book signings/readings/etc. I have to get in touch with radio stations and newspapers and all that jazz. It’s going to be hard work, but it will be worthy work.
Don’t forget Tucson Comic Con, either! I’ll be there, fair and square, Friday through Sunday! November 2-4, 2018. If you’re anywhere near Tucson, AZ, head on down!

Ever the student

i have no idea what im doing
Well, it’s getting to Documentation Time for my Arts and Sciences projects, so of course I start with the hardest one: the research paper. I haven’t done a research paper since the last time I was in college–so twelve years. Twelve years rusty. Why did I choose to do a research paper again?
Oh yeah…I had a brilliant idea.
No, I won’t go into it here. I only have two very rough draft paragraphs done, and it’s going to take this whole week to get it done and up to snuff…and to document the arts project. That one should be easier, but first thing’s first.
A lot of people have told me that they do the research first, then the thing. I ended up going backwards on my arts project. I did the embroidery using stitches that I knew to be used in period times; now I have to prove that they were used. D’oh!
With the competition a week away, I have to put Book 2 on hold. I guess that’s a good thing, though, because I’m kinda stuck a bit. Not stuck-stuck, but stuck enough. I’m at that point I usually get to in my writing where I’ve reached the near-end before enough has happened. I have to add more action, more description, and/or more dialogue. I think I’ve dialouged things out, so it’s going to have to be the former two.
I started my research on local media outlets, bookstores, and libraries for Abnormal‘s release, too. There are a lot of libraries in Tucson. I haven’t finished there yet, and I still have Phoenix left to go. I plan on taking one of my half days/partial days at work to start making calls to set up potential appearances/book signings/etc. I want to have the marketing materials in hand though, so I will have to just research until then. Maybe by then I can narrow down where I want to go to plug my book.
The web media sites I haven’t really gotten into yet. I need to, but it’s a bit hard to weed out the clickbait sites and find the real entertainment/book websites. I also have to avoid the “pay to be put on X lists” sites. I want none of those shenanigans.
Proofreading is done, the publisher loves the ending, and things are moving along. I just need to finish my Arts and Sciences writing, finish the second first draft of Book 2, finish a bunch of illumination/scrolls that I said I’d do, and oh, yeah, the arts exchange project and…..I’m probably forgetting something in there. Work! Yeah. I have to work. Damn day job.
I guess that’s enough rambling for now.
 

Media frenzy

The time has come to research media outlets near me to receive the press kits for Abnormal. 😀
Okay, so the time was probably long ago–the point is, I’m getting ready to do it now, before I head back to work after my vacation. I’ve got a browser window open to locate the various Arizona media outlets I may want to contact and a blank Word document open to receive those outlets’ contact information.
Except…I don’t really know where to start.
Okay, so I did have a starting point yesterday when I first did a search, but that starting point was a costly one. Sure, I could’ve had the contact info for whichever media outlet in Arizona I chose–or all of them–for a cost, that is. The site I found was not a free resource. Back to the drawing board, I guess.
I know I want to promote in my local town, as well as the larger areas like Tucson and Phoenix (especially Tucson, seeing as how I’ll be attending one of their conventions in the fall), but beyond that I’m clueless. How far am I willing to travel to promote? Would I even need to travel? And what about online outlets like Talk Nerdy With Us, Starry Constellation Mag, and others? They would be great resources for reaching my audience, too. I already know one of my old friends at Talk Nerdy who would like to do a read for review, and possibly someone at Starry Constellation. I have to go through the proper channels, though; I can’t just say “Hey, remember me? I wrote for you a time or two–how about you give this here book to one of your reviewers and have them type up a little something-something for me?” Yeah, that’s not very professional. Not gonna fly, much as I would like to pull a string here or there.
It’s kind of exciting to think about potentially being on the receiving end of a review or interview. I had a review done of Whispers of Death the day I self published it, but that was definitely a string-pulling event. “Hey, guys, I wrote and published a thing–somebody go read and review it!” Exciting though it may be, I tend to also get nervous when I think about phone or radio interviews. I tend to stammer and stutter, and my voice is weird in recordings. All high-pitched and girly, not at all how I hear it when it comes out of my mouth. Is that what I really sound like? And that machine-gun nervous laugh I have? Geez.
It’s gotta be done, though. I have to grin and bear it and not worry so much about how I sound. Worry about promoting the book, about getting word out there, about getting Abnormal to those who would enjoy the story.

Marching on

Now that I’ve given myself a break from cosplay sewing for a couple of weeks, I’m finally back in a sewing state of mind. I started on my husband’s pants for his Shatterstar cosplay the other day and am slowly making progress. (When I start sewing early in the morning, sometimes I don’t have the energy to sew for too long at a time…so I get done what I can, then remember that I haven’t had my Adderall and go back into the bedroom to mess around on the computer & take my meds.)

Once I get back into the swing of things, I know my pace will pick up. It will help that it’s the in-between season where most of the fall/spring shows are off air & most of the summer ones haven’t started up yet. Not that I’m a TV addict per se, but it’s nice to have time in the evenings to spend with my husband. A little bonding, something we can’t really do when I’m sewing because I get so focused that he ends up sitting on the floor playing games on his tablet.

With these newest cosplays, we’re going to try making some foam armor and props. It should be interesting, because neither of us has worked with the EVA foam before. Don’t know what EVA foam is? It’s basically those foam floor mats that look like puzzle pieces. Pretty cheap, but you can do a lot with them. We saw several panels on the subject while at Phoenix Comicon and my husband has been watching tutorials online to learn how to work with it. It seems simple enough, but I’m sure we’ll have a large learning curve to start with.

Now that the book “experiment” is over, I don’t feel as obsessed with checking my numbers every hour or so. It’s both a relief and a disappointment. A relief that it’s over, disappointment because I kinda liked seeing so many copies of my book being picked up, even if it was for free. Oh, well.

Reading too much

Why would I post something with that title just a day after putting my books online for free? Well, it’s because I’m not talking about that kind of reading.

I’m talking about reading more into things than is really there, particularly in regards to TV shows.

There has been tremendous uproar in the LGBTQ (I think I’m missing some letters, but they kind of keep getting added on so it’s hard to keep up) community over the deaths of some LGBTQ characters on some fictional TV shows. And you all know my opinions on getting uptight about fictional shows.

Let’s start with the flame that started a spark that ignited a brushfire faster than a cigarette butt tossed onto the dry Arizona grass: the death of Lexa, one half of the lesbian couple known as “Clexa” to The 100 fandom. (Dont’ know what “Clexa” means? See my previous post on shipping.) The Internet was abuzz with LGBTQ fans lashing out at producers, showrunners, writers, the network…pretty much everyone involved in the making of the episode. The majority of this outrage was over the perceived notion that the network had killed off Lexa because she was a lesbian. Now I don’t watch the show, but my husband clued me in to the gist of what happened and it sounded to me like there was a valid reason for the character to die. And even if there wasn’t, why does it necessarily have to have anything to do with the character being a lesbian?

It wasn’t too long before other fandoms got caught up in the inferno. Soon every LGBTQ death on a TV show was being called into question, with accusations of bigotry flying left and right. Suddenly every fan was an activist, and they all had one message: don’t kill off any more LGBTQ characters or else.

The irony here is, the fans got so caught up in spewing their hate that they didn’t realize they were rapidly becoming as just as bigoted as the accused–more so, in fact. Every time that anything bad happened to an LGBTQ character it became viewed as an act of war, an intentional slight against the gay and lesbian community.

Guys, seriously, I doubt that show writers and producers sit in their weekly meetings and pitch various ways to injure, maim, or kill LGBTQ characters. They don’t wring their hands and cackle maniacally. They don’t have a pegboard of LGBTQ characters that they throw darts at to figure out who they’re going to kill next. It just doesn’t work like that.

TV executives are concerned with one major thing: ratings. Those are fueled by the stories they tell. If the story requires a beloved character to die, then guess what? They die, whether they’re white, black, straight, gay, young, old, thin, fat, etc. Has there been an upward trend of bad things happening to LGBTQ characters? Maybe. I sure see a lot more about it on the news and in social media. But did any of you ever consider that maybe it’s a good thing?

Before you start sending me hate messages and death threats, let me finish. Maybe the reason that we’re seeing more gay characters being hurt is that there are more gay characters being represented in TV. Isn’t that a plus?

Personally, I don’t see the rate of LGBTQ deaths/injuries/etc as being out of proportion with the deaths/injuries of straight characters. Straight characters die a lot. It’s just that no one rages over those deaths the way they react to LGBTQ deaths. It’s the same with any minority: the minority gets better representation through casting and storylines, then when the increase in minority population there’s an increase in stories–good or bad–surrounding those minority characters. It just happens to be that the current fad is to kill off characters without warning.

Don’t blame the networks, or the producers, or the writers. Think before you explode, and calmly consider whether or not the treatment of the character was part of the plot or whether it was gratuitous…and don’t base that consideration on how much you personally like the character. Be rational. No network is going to stalk fansites and other social media just to find out what LGBTQ character is the most popular just for the purpose of senselessly killing them.

If you’re going to blame anyone, blame George R. R. Martin. I mean, he kinda spearheaded the “sudden death” fad. Ever since Ned Stark, no character is safe. No character, no matter their gender/race/age/sexual orientation/etc.

(Disclaimer: Do not seriously blame George R. R. Martin. It’s not his fault the viewing public eats it up.)