Smooth over that belly

I’ve started a new “diet” this week. I hate calling it a diet, because I associate that word with depriving yourself of the things you love. Instead, I’m adding something I love to my routine and cutting back on junk.

We recently got a blender for the apartment, and I thought to myself, “You idiot, you love smoothies! Make some damn healthy smoothies & stop eating junk for lunch every day.”

So far, so good. Every day that I’ve made a smoothie for work, I’ve been able to resist the temptation of snacks & baked goods in the break room & just drink my fruits & veggies. And they’re good. I mean they’re not only good for me, but they taste delicious. Pretty easy to make, too. A splash of milk, handful of some kind of veggie, handful or 2 of some fruit, a tablespoon (roughly) of peanut butter–for protein–and a small cup of yogurt to top it off. All things I like, but I have trouble forcing myself to eat fruits & veggies by themselves. This is a way to get myself to eat healthier & enjoy it.

I still eat junk from time to time. An ice cream sandwich here or there if we have them in the apartment. A frozen pizza for dinner if the hubby’s not cooking anything (I know, I know, I could have another smoothie instead, but I’m still not sure how long I can go between meals when I have a smoothie. It seems to work between lunch & dinner, but I don’t know if it would get me through the night.)

What sparked this diet change? I am sick and tired of being fat and gross. I know it’s adversely affecting my health–even though I can’t necessarily feel it–but it’s mostly the shame of seeing myself in the mirror when I’m getting ready for the day. I need to lose my flabby belly. Yes, I know, I need to exercise as well…but baby steps, man, baby steps. I am a creature of habit, so I need to make small changes to my routine until they’re ingrained. Then they’ll be easier to keep up with.

I’m hoping to be at least 20 pounds lighter by Comicon. It’s a lofty goal, but I have three months and a lot of determination. And a blender.

I don’t have the will(power)

I don’t know how people do it. They set a goal to lose weight, they work hard, and they do it. They lose the weight.

I’m not that type of person. I can try to my little heart’s content, but I just fail miserably every time. I can’t stick to anything I set my mind to, diet- and exercise-wise. I was doing semi-okay a few months ago, going to the small gym at the apartment complex a few mornings a week to work on the exercise bike, but then I started being extra sleepy in the mornings and didn’t have the energy to walk over there. Also, it’s cold as hell out there in the mornings now.

Holidays never help with weight loss. Food everywhere. And the people with the willpower all say, “Oh, I can’t eat that, I’ll get fat.” And of course I think, “Well, I’m fat already and it’s just going to go to waste, so why not? What’s the point, anyway?” Kind of a defeatist attitude, but there ya go. That’s my “dieting” life.

Once the weather warms up a bit (thank you, Arizona, for warming up fast) I’m going to try to get back into some sort of exercise routine. Walks in the mornings (if it’s light enough out) or the apartment gym. I’m going to try to cut back on my snacking and my portions. Find something to occupy myself when I have a craving or get bored, rather than head to the kitchen.

I’m going to try. I can’t guarantee my success, but I’m going to try. I hate seeing my arms wiggle as I write on the charts at work. Makes me wish I didn’t have good peripheral vision. I also hate seeing myself in the mirror. Wider and wider. It’s disheartening and deflating.

I’m going to try.


I’m going to do it.

It might take a while, but I’m going to do it.