Slow burn

I’m trying. I really am.

I get up and go to work every weekday (unless the office is closed or–rarely–I request off for an appointment or something). I work a full week, sometimes into overtime, and I hardly ever call out or ask to go home early. I clock in on time, and I stay until my boss says I can go. If that means clocking out less than twelve hours before I have to clock in again, then that’s what I do. If it means working when I’m in pain, I do. If it means working through a panic attack, I do. I can’t afford not to.

Most weekends I end up doing SCA things; whether it’s an event, a household meeting, rapier practice, or crafting various things for SCA events, household meetings, or (rarely) something just for me.

I sleep when my body lets me. Sometimes it’s six hours, more often closer to four, maybe four and a half. I drink caffeine and take Adderall to make it through the above listed days without falling asleep sitting up…or standing up. Or while driving.

I do the laundry every week, sometimes multiple days a week. Sometimes I’m aching enough that I have difficulty picking up the clothes that end up on the floor instead of the hamper…. so I leave them. Sometimes I’m so worn out from all the other things that I leave the clean laundry in the dryer for a few days and just fluff it when I need something to wear. Sometimes I go to the effort of taking the laundry out of the dryer and putting it back in the hamper until I have the energy to put it away.

When I have time alone–usually in the wee hours, when sleep evades me–I write. Or edit. Or revise. Or embroider. Or sew. Or plan and execute social media marketing stuff for my writing.

There’s more, but right now I can’t think of exactly what.

I’m trying. I really am. But I am feeling more and more burned out lately. Just thinking about the things I have to do makes me exhausted and depressed. The things that I used to do for fun are now duties. Chores. Requirements. Necessities. There are deadlines upon deadlines upon deadlines. Even the SCA events that used to get me all excited now fill me with dread. It’s not “yay! I get to do this thing!” It’s “well, I guess I have to do this thing.” 

I need some me time. Problem is, time is not something that I have available to give myself. It’s all filled with things. Work. SCA. Housework. Crafting.

I can only do so much. My body and my mind and my spirit are all stretched as far as they can go.

I need to think. Introspect. Look inside. Take all the pieces and see where they fit–and what ones shouldn’t even be in the puzzle. I need to prioritize and cut back where I can. 

Some people might feel like I’m pulling away, but it’s not trying to get away from them so much as trying to regroup.

I’m committed to several things for the next two months. I have to hold on at least that long. But after Estrella War?

I might not try as hard. I really might not.

Let the madness begin (again)

Though I kinda already knew they would, I’m ecstatic that RhetAskew Publishing has requested the full manuscript of Escaping the Light. 🙂 I sent it in this morning, and though I–and they–know it needs a lot of work, I’m excited to get started on the next step in my publishing journey.

Books for Tucson Comic-Con have been ordered and one of the two business licenses I will need has been requested (still need to find an envelope to mail in the second one). Going to be selling the books and of course the bookmarks I’m making. I even found a cool new fabric at Wal-Mart of all places to make a bunch of sugar skull bookmarks. Yeah, the con is a couple days after Halloween, but hey, sugar skull sells. That’s a fact. I’m out of town this weekend, though, so there won’t be any production of bookmarks until I get home. I’ve got roughly 17-18 made (that aren’t set aside for gifts and the like), so I’ll really have to get hopping if I’m going to have enough for the whole weekend.

One bad thing about the con being only 13 days away? I started getting a cold sore on my upper lip yesterday. FML. I guess it’s the stress starting to get to me. Almost couldn’t have come at a worse time–because it can take 10 days or more for a cold sore to go away. I bought some OTC stuff to put on it a few times a day, so I’m hoping that helps shorten the healing time. I don’t want to be selling books in front of hundreds or thousands of people with a big-ass scab on my lip. (Okay, I don’t want to be working up patients with said scab on my lip, either.)

Today will be mostly spent at an SCA event, where I’ll get to do some rapier fighting in my chain mail shirt for the first time since I got it a couple of months ago. Time and my busy schedule haven’t allowed me to use it yet. The one day when I did have it on and ready to go it started storming right as practice was about to begin, and they’re real sticklers for not waving around long metal rods while there’s lightning nearby.

Also, it’s lightning, NOT “lightening.” One means bolts of electricity from the sky, one means to make lighter in color or tone. One is a noun, one is a verb. This has been a PSA.

Death of 1000 bites

Monsoon season seems to be running a tad long this year in southern Arizona, as is evidenced by the hordes of mosquitoes that were in my tent the other night at an SCA event. Thank the Gods the event was just forty-five minutes from home, and thank the Gods that I’ve somehow managed to maintain my sanity despite the itching on over about 75% of my body.

It started with just a couple of bites. Okay, fine. No big deal.

Then I went to bed in our tent.

A couple of bites turned into half a dozen. Half a dozen turned into a dozen. I tried covering up with my sleeping bag but, as is common in early September in southern Arizona, it was too damn hot to cover up. So I’d put out a foot or an arm or my head to cool off a bit and almost immediately get attacked again.

This went on for a couple of hours before my husband returned to the tent from hanging with friends and declared he was taking me home for the night.

I didn’t complain. By that point, I had a good twenty mosquito bites spread out over most of my body.

Once home, a hot shower, Benadryl, and some hydrocortisone cream helped, but I still itched. At least I wasn’t getting fresh bites, though.

I can’t say the same about the second day of the event.

Despite wearing long pants and long sleeves, I somehow managed to receive another twenty-something bites the second day of the event. On my shoulders. Under my bra. Between my toes. On my fucking ass. 

I’m trying not to scratch; I really am. Sometimes, though, I find myself scratching without realizing when I started to.

My Benadryl supply is running short. I should probably take more now that I’m up, but I fear that with my luck I’d use the last dose and promptly get stung by a bee. That’s the way it works, right? Murphy and his stupid law.

Sadly, though there is a rapier tournament later today, I don’t think I’m going back to the final day of the event–75% might turn into 95%, especially if I’m all sweaty from fighting in the heat. Those little flying fuckers really love sweat. 

Oh well. Staying home means I can write or embroider or something. I have a project for His Majesty of Atenveldt that is nearing completion–well, the first part of the project is nearing completion. There is another piece I need to get from the artisan who is making the garment (my potential future Laurel), plus some pieces for Her Majesty that also need embroidery.

Speaking of which, I should probably get to finishing the second cuff while I’m thinking about it.

Just can’t be scratching my bites with the needle.

Back in action

The other day I started Book 3 of the Abnormal series, and I’m stoked to get the story down.

Clare didn’t get to get much badassery done in Book 2, so I’m hoping to advance her character in different ways with Book 3. Sure, she had character development in Book 2, but I want her to be able to hold her own with the characters that have more physical Gifts, and I think I know just the way.

Now, the above isn’t necessarily what Clare looks like, but you get the idea. (Photo courtesy of Pixaby images, from the WordSwag app.) I want her to be badass, and not just mentally. Don’t get me wrong; she’ll still have faults. You gotta give your MCs faults or else they get boring. But yeah, a little more ass-kicking will do her some good.

First, though, I have to get her out of her current predicament. It’s not too hairy, nothing I can’t write my way out of, but I have to get through it before I can jump into stuff that happens later. I’m just not one of those writers who can jump ahead a few chapters or write the ending first. I have to go in order, at least with the first draft, and then if later drafts require it I can add chapters in between.

Book 2 is near-ready for alphas now. I just have a couple people who either need to A- read Abnormal first or B- finish current projects. I probably won’t get Book 3 done before the alpha reads come back, but that’s okay. Book 2 is technically priority right now, but it’s at a point where I can’t look at it anymore or else I’ll go crazy. Well, crazier

I’m debating on cutting back on SCA-related events and projects here soon. I’ve just got so much to do with my writing, and I’m getting kind of burned out on SCA events. Not that I don’t love my SCAdian family, but I will need a break very shortly or else I’ll be a hot mess. Events every other weekend, or meetings, whatever, gets to be a lot of stuff. I’ll still go to rapier practice when my body’s not angry at me from the arthritis, but I think that taking it easy will be better in the long run. I jumped into the SCA with both feet, right into the deep end, and I am having trouble getting to the surface for air.

Well, back to Book 3. Clare’s in the middle of–well, spoilers. 😉

Conceptualism

Today I “met” with the book cover designer officially for the first time and got to give him my thoughts on the cover of Abnormal. Every time something new happens in the process it revs up my excitement. So close, yet so far. I want to tell you all the release date, but I still have to keep mum. But soon. Soon.

I am a few chapters in on revisions on Book 2, but I stopped for the A&S crunch and can’t remember what I was going to say next. Lol
Book 3 is tickling the back of my mind, but I have to tell it to wait its turn. If I dive into that now, I’ll squirrel and never make any progress.
Next on my list of things to do is get home from rapier fighting, shower, and eat. Then I need to use the feedback I got from my A&S judges to improve my research paper a bit. I won’t discuss the actual competition here. I won with both my entries, but my overall experience with the event was… let’s just say… disappointing. We’ll go with that. Hopefully next week in our neighboring Barony it will be better.

The battle (moor) is over

We have left Battlemoor behind, and soon Colorado will be in the rear view mirror and we’ll be staying the night in Albuquerque before we go home.
I had a great time, but I miss my Rory-kins and my River monster. It’ll be good to be home and have them happy to see me. It’ll also be nice to sleep in my own bed … and write on my couch.
I managed to get a decent amount of writing done while on vacation, but I’ve got a lot left to do. I’ve gotten my MC into a sticky situation, and I’ve got to get her out of it… but I’ve got half a book to go for that.
I met many new people and made a few new friends this past weekend. Got some good rapier fighting in, and (in a rarity only found in out-of-kingdom events) managed to get to fight only people I’ve never fought before. Won a few fights, lost a few, but thanks to my rapier teacher I’m trying a new thing where I try to remember at least one thing I learned from each fight to help teach me new things and learn how to improve. I wasn’t able to get over my shyness to ask other fighters for pickup fights, but a couple of people asked me so I did get a few non-tournament fights in.
Tuesday I go back to work and fully back to mundane life. It’ll be a little bittersweet, because I’ll be back to normal but I’ll have to leave SCA life behind for a while. Not completely behind–I never get completely away from it because I’m always working on craft projects in my off time. I have to buckle down and get my A&S projects finished when I get home. I’m not going to try for Champion this go around. Novice for me this time, but maybe for the Kingdom A&S in the fall. We shall see.
Speaking of down time, I should get some writing in while I’m sitting here in the back seat.

Guarded outlook

I spent most of the active hours of the day guarding my Queen, and it was kind of nice. She rested most of the time I was on duty, and she even ordered me to have some ice cream.
Tomorrow I try fighting at this altitude. I’m doing okay now, but I get tired quickly. It’s nine fifteen at night and my glasses are fogging up from the heat and mugginess. But I’m okay. I’ll just sleep on top of the sleeping bag until it cools off.
It’s been a strange day, time-wise. I started in the wee hours writing futuristic sci-fi on my laptop…in a tent in the middle of the woods… And throughout the day I was pretty much dressed like a Viking…. while wearing Sketchers. (My foot started hurting, and I’ll never make it through the weekend on medieval shoes like that.) It’s kinda surreal.
It will be strange to be back in real, current times. Back at work, back writing, back doing all the things I’ve been doing–but dressed normal. Well, normal for us.
Time for bed–er, cot now. See you all on the morrow.

Safe and sound and black and blue

Okay, I’m not black and blue–yet. But I’ve safely arrived at Battlemoor, the tent is set up, and I am starting to feel like my lungs aren’t going to collapse from lack of oxygen at this altitude. My joints are even forgiving me a bit for my shenanigans.
I managed to get a lot of new writing done in my travels to Colorado, and I’ve gotten my MCs both into and out of and back into trouble, as it should be.
I don’t have much time to post right now–the rest of the camp needs tending to. But there’s signal, so I’m happy.
More to come later 🙂

Battlemoor bound

Well, this morning we head off for Albuquerque, then tomorrow we’re caravaning (guess that’s not a word–spellcheck doesn’t think so, anyway) up to Colorado for our second out-of-kingdom event. (The first was Great Western War last year). It should be interesting at least. Only three of us members of the Queen’s Guard are attending (not counting the Captain), so we’re pulling five shifts at guard each, some of them double shifts. I volunteered for the double shifts I’m taking though, because I felt it was my duty as a member of the Guard to make sure the Queen is guarded. I hope Grand Court isn’t too long–I hate standing Court Guard, but it was the only one of the three mandatory guard shifts that were available that I could take.
I plan on taking at least a couple of A&S classes while I’m there–the one on leather carving sounds super interesting–and doing a couple rapier tournaments. Beyond that and guarding, it’s going to be a lot of helping out around camp. I don’t cook, so I’ll likely be doing a lot of dishes this week.
When I’m not guarding or swording or artsing or cleaning I’ll be trying to get some embroidery time and some writing time in. Writing time will probably be in the wee hours of the morning when I’m up and no sane person should be–embroidery time will be for times when I’m standing guard and the Queen is just resting or watching something (we’re supposed to have “hand work” to do when we’re not active–the benefits of the Queen and King both being Laurels) or when I’m in camp and not busy. I have to get my sister’s birthday present done, so the Outlands arts exchange project will have to be on hold until that’s finished. I found a cool howling wolf design that I think she’ll love to see embroidered.
Cell service in the area will be spotty at best but most likely nonexistent. In other words, read up on the archive if you’re interested in seeing more from me because I’ll be incommunicado. Oh, sure, some of it’s inane babble like this post, but there are some gems in there. You’ll have to read through them to find out! 😉
See you after Battlemoor!

Guard duty (heh-heh, I said "duty")

The time has come for another out-of-kingdom SCA event, and as part of the Queen’s Guard (and one of only three Guard members attending said event) I had to pick out my shifts for guarding Her Majesty.
It’s interesting being on Guard for events. Normally at events I like to wing it and maybe plan to be at one or two things (besides rapier tournaments–whenever possible, I try to make the tournaments), but now that I’m on the Guard I have to decide what classes/things at the event I might want to do before I go raising my hand to volunteer for a shift at Guard.
The nice thing is that Her Majesty likes for her Guards/attendants/Court members to be busy with arts and crafts work as opposed to just standing around. So I get to embroider while I’m guarding, provided I’m not standing Court or some other such thing where it’s more formal. Still, that will go a long way in helping me to get my Outlands arts exchange project worked on. Of course, I’ll have to be more careful in who I let see said project, because the event is in Outlands and I don’t want the recipient to see my work before it’s done. I’ve gotten one piece done, but I plan on at least … four or five more pieces. There’s a $35 limit on materials cost, but with embroidery the cost isn’t as much in materials as it is in time, so I can make more items (provided I can find the time). I’m super excited to see how the recipient likes the stuff I make, even though they won’t get it until September.
Well, it’s about time to help a friend move. More on the Outlands event later!