Isolated in isolation

Most of my life, I’ve been pretty much a loner. Liked sitting by myself, doing my own thing. Occasionally hanging out with a few close friends.

So….Why in the bloody hells am I upset at being left out of something that I don’t want to do anyway?

I would’ve been better off never knowing said thing I’ve been left out of existed, really I would. I mean, I really have no interest in said thing, but just knowing that it exists and that no one, not one single, solitary friend thought to include me….That smarts.

It’s grade school all over again. And middle school. High school. College. It’s my life, trapped in an endless circle of exclusion. I’d thought I was past that, or at least past caring, but I guess not.

Sometimes, a little knowledge is a bad thing.

Then, come to find out my husband was one of the first people included and invited to do the thing. Knew all about it. Granted, he probably didn’t say anything to me about it because not only did he not want to do the thing, he probably knew I wouldn’t want to do it. Still…Ouch.

I shouldn’t take it personally. I know I shouldn’t. That doesn’t stop it from hurting, though.

It’s enough to make me question what I want to do after the quarantine/COVID/coronapocalypse is over. Do I want to go back to being social on the weekends? Is it even worth it? Maybe I should reconsider. Dive deeper into the stories I write. Write more stories. Who knows? Maybe this is my chance to break out. Become a full-time author. Live the dream.

Ah, there it is. The Dream. Full-circle again, back to the issue at hand.

My Dream got a little bit stomped on today. I’ll get over it, I suppose, but I’m going to probably sulk a bit about it. Have my own personal pity party. Feel bad for my poor, unwanted self.

I’ll get over it. Stand back up, brush myself off. Keep on moving. I won’t even say anything else about it, aside from this here post. I’m going to vent, hit “publish,” and leave this post for the archives. It’ll get buried by others, only to be found some day by a random fan going through my old posts. They’ll wonder what the hell I’m talking about.

Don’t mind me, random fan. I’m okay. I’ll be okay.

Just had to get it out.