Resolutions revisited

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It’s coming to the end of the year, and as I look at my resolution list I’m both proud and disappointed.

I not only completed the first draft of my novel; I published it as well. I exercised more (not much more, but more than last year). I published a few short stories and flash fiction stories. I sold a few art pieces. And I did more cosplay.

Some of the other resolutions, however, were less than successful.

I gained more weight than I wanted to lose. I didn’t get the tattoo that I wanted, but that’s a trivial thing. And thus far, my marketing sucks.

I’ll try for more realistic goals next year. Perhaps another rough draft? Developing an exercise routine? Who knows. I have a couple of weeks to figure it out.

A Stitch in Time Causes a Headache

I’ve started on my husband’s cosplay for next year’s Phoenix Comicon and Dragon Con.

Oh. My. Goddess.

We haven’t even finished the pants & already I’m frustrated. I don’t know if it’s the cold I’m trying to cut off at the pass or the frustration that’s causing the massive headache I have, but either way it’s put a damper on the project. I know my husband wants to be done as quickly as possible because he’s so excited, but I think he overestimates my abilities. I have to go slow because I’m still very much a beginner.

We’ve taken a break, but I’m wondering if we shouldn’t wait until another day to start back up. I just can’t right now. I’m feeling drained. This Sith Time Lord just might take longer than expected.

Jinxed

Well, I did it. I jinxed myself.

I’m not a very superstitious person in general, but there’s one thing that I get paranoid about: saying things are quiet/easy at work. Inevitably, if you say “Gee, it’s quiet today” or “Man, it was such a nice day today” something happens. Triages come in, tests are ordered, someone’s sent to the hospital, or, in the case of yesterday, you get a text saying that, instead of coming in at 7:50 for a relatively “easy” day at one office, you’re needed for a long, busy shift starting at 6:00 instead.

It’s my own fault. I know better. I used to jump down the throat of anyone who commented on how quiet it was at the hospital where I used to work. I’d say, “If you just jinxed us, you’re running the code yourself!”

A terrible night’s sleep is not helping things, either. I had a dream that I forgot I was supposed to be in earlier and thus was late, and I kept waking up just about every hour. Can’t even blame it on the cat, because he left me alone most of the night. I finally woke up around 2:15 because I just wasn’t sleepy anymore. Go figure.

I’m trying to psych myself up into a positive attitude that today will be a good day….but I don’t want to jinx myself.

Silence

Why haven’t I been posting lately? I have no clue.

Every day I look at the dashboard of my blog, but the past few days–hell, nearly a week–I haven’t had anything meaningful to say.

Right now I’m tired…so very, very tired…but I figured I’d break the silence and write a little something.

The holidays are coming up, and while I’m not Christian I love Christmas. It’s not the getting, though; it’s the giving. I think I mentioned that already. Maybe. I don’t know. It’s 5:30 in the morning and I have to leave for work soon.

I’ve enjoyed wrapping the presents we’ve gotten for people so far. There’s something about putting a crapton of tape on a box that’s just so satisfying.

Well, that’s about it. Nothing much to say. Just couldn’t stand the silence.

Tears Unshed

I hate mental illness sometimes.

It just fucks everything up. I’m fine one minute, then sad the next. For no fucking reason. And it sucks.

There’s nothing that happened today to make me down, but since I’ve gotten home from work it’s started.

I feel hopeless. I feel like it’s never going to end–never mind that I don’t know what “it” is or why I want “it” to end. Don’t start freaking out though; I know that “it” isn’t life. I want life to keep going on. I don’t want that to end. Just…something.

It’s the usual depression symptoms. Loss of interest in the things I like to do. Withdrawal into myself. General malaise. It’s actually quite boring. I’m bored with depression. Go figure.

I’m just over it. Sick and tired of it. I need to kick my own ass into gear. Bust my chops. Smack myself upside the head and tell myself to quit whining and do something.

If only I could find the energy to do all that.

The Storm Inside

The design is found and the brain is storming. While I still haven’t figured out how to finish the waist on the skirt of my own cosplay (I think I’m getting close to having a concept in mind, but still not sure), I’m starting to work out in my head how my husband’s cosplay is going to go.

Custom Sith Style Outfit Front and Back

It’s a simple enough design (I guess–what do I know?), but I don’t have a pattern so I have to make my own. Measuring, sketching, probably practicing on scrap fabric first.

I also need to make a tunic top of some sort for under my corset. The hubby doesn’t want me wearing the corset by itself (which I guess I understand), so I need something that will look good with the costume but will also be Jedi-like. I’m thinking a cream-colored muslin or linen tunic, possibly with binding to match the corset. Haven’t decided yet.

Well, off to an exciting (or at least busy) day at work. 🙂

New Cos-plans

So I started out with a TARDIS outfit from a pattern…then I noticed that the pattern’s hood looks like a Jedi hood (which is freakin’ cool). Then I thought, what if I made it a Jedi TARDIS cosplay?! That’s even cooler!

Then, best of all–my husband decided he wants to be a Sith version similar to my Doctor Who mashup! I’m so excited that he’s getting excited about cosplaying with me.

This year we did a couple’s cosplay (Sheldon Cooper and Amy Farrah Fowler), but we were so busy with taking our nephews around the convention that we didn’t really get to show ourselves off. Also, he seemed to be more reluctant. Like, he wanted to cosplay with me but he didn’t think he was accurate enough. Which is fine, because it’s cosplay. Emphasis on play.

Next year, though, we’re going all out. Full costumes, lightsabers, the works. It’s going to be great! I’m going to have to redesign the skirt, though, because my original design wouldn’t be conducive to posing in combat poses for pictures (because we’re on opposite sides of the Force, so of course we’re going to have to fight). I also got new boots (thanks, Mom!) that are more Jedi-like and not so high-heelish.

Can. Not. Wait.