Month: November 2015

Fresh New Start

Art, Writing

Today I got a new laptop (courtesy of my wonderful husband, who diligently set aside money each week until we had enough to get it–Merry Christmas to me!), and so far I love it. I can’t wait to get writing on it. Which I guess I am. Kinda. So yay!

I also can’t wait to get PhotoShop installed. I have a lot of art to catch up on.

I’m hoping that with this new, lighter, fancier laptop I’ll be able to do more. It’s one of those that converts from laptop to tablet, so I can do simpler tablet-type stuff if I don’t have to type, and I can carry it around much easier.

The screen size will take some getting used to. I’ve gone from 17″ to 13″, which is a bit of a drop. I can still read the screen okay–I haven’t gotten to the point of needing bifocals (yet), so I don’t have to adjust the font sizing or anything yet.

My husband also made sure I had Office installed so I can do my writing. Yay again.

Tomorrow–or more likely, this weekend–I’ll get to transferring files and making sure everything from the old laptop is backed up to either a cloud storage or to a flash drive before finally giving it over to the hubby to be wiped clean.

As for right now….bedtime.

The Simple Things in Life

Musings, Thoughts

A tasty lunch. Good music. Playing with a toy on a string.

Wait, what?

Okay, let me start over. The idea for this post came from watching my cat, Rory, playing with his newest toy. It’s a little fuzzball with a bell that’s connected to a stick by a thin metal wire (we have learned not to get a regular string toy–he chews through ribbons and satin strings), and it is apparently the most entertaining thing on the planet.

It got me thinking about the things that have made me happy today. I had a half day at work, which was nice after many recent weeks of overtime. I had a nice sandwich for lunch (after spending several minutes staring into the fridge trying to figure out what I wanted). I’m listening to my favorite playlist on Google Play. It’s not much, but it’s enough. I don’t need anything fancy, really.

I wish I realized this more often. I often complain about my work schedule, about writer’s block, about all kinds of things. I forget about the simple things that give me joy.

I’ll have to remind myself of these little things more often. The holidays are coming up, which usually means thinking about gifts and food and all that fun stuff. In recent years, I’ve been more concerned with what to get other people, but I still spend too much time thinking about what I want. Part of it is because people are asking me to come up with ideas–they’re thinking about what to get other people, too. But do I really need to do that? Can’t I just be happy with what I have and save my own money to get the things I want?

Maybe that will be a new New Year’s resolution. Enjoy the simple things more.

Double Crossed

Poetry

Now I go to raise my head

My body slept as though t’were dead

And though I try to open eyes

My lids are heavy, cannot pry

When opened how they twist and turn

For more sleep my body yearns

My vision goes from sharp to black

As eyes roll to the sides and back

I slept the night, I know not why

With each blink I cross my eyes

Numb

Musings

I should care.

Hundreds are dead. Thousands mourning.

I should care. There are millions who care. Millions who never met the dead or the grieving.

But I don’t care. I try to. I really do. I just…can’t.

There’s nothing there. I try to find concern or compassion, but there’s nothing.

Have things really gotten to that point?  The point where it’s commonplace, where it’s almost expected. Not a matter of if but where and when.

The word “jaded” comes to mind. So does the word “callous.” Which is it? Perhaps it’s both.

I should care. I really should.

But I just can’t.

When celebrities say good-bye…

Celebrity, Fandom, Musings, Social Media

Okay, so I’ve seen quite a few tweets lately on my Twitter feed about a certain actress deleting her Twitter account due to wanting to be more private. Some people are downright devastated by this! Why? Why the obsession? Why cry or lament over a person that you may have met in passing (or may never have met at all) deciding to keep their private life private? Don’t celebrities have that right?

I, for one, have never felt that celebrities are obligated to engage in social media. If they choose to do so, fine; I’ll follow the ones I like and enjoy their occasional posts. But if they decide to leave social media (or forgo it all together), what right do I have to get upset? Would these fans get upset if their distant cousin twice removed on their mother’s uncle’s in-laws’ side decided on a social media blackout? I doubt it.

Celebrities are people, too. I think this is something that gets forgotten, because their lives are so widely publicized that total strangers may become deluded into thinking that they “know” the celebrity enough to be “close” to them. Sure, they may retweet something you tagged them in (or even–*gasp!*–reply!), but that doesn’t mean they know you. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ll remember you after the retweet button is pressed.

Now, I’m not saying that this doesn’t happen. I’m sure it does on rare occasions. However, in these days of social media saturation I think it’s important to keep a realistic mindset of things. You may see so many “backstage” photos or fun facts that you think, “Hey, he/she gets me. They know that I’m reading this, know that I care about them, know that I’m following their every online move. This is not necessarily the case.

Some celebrities do follow fans and keep track of the goings-on in their lives, but it’s rare. Most have so many fans that they simply don’t have the time or resources to read every single tweet or message. If they’re shooting a film, writing a book, or recording an album, they may not have the luxury of sitting down to a computer, tablet, or smartphone and scroll through thousands upon thousands of notes, tweets, and messages. Is it nice when they do get the chance? Sure. Should it be expected of them? No.

I respect the actress’s decision to pull away from social media and take a break–or a permanent hiatus. It’s her right. If she were a normal average Joe, few strangers would feel the heartbreak that I’ve seen expressed over her leaving.

When a celebrity chooses to go off-grid, let them be. Understand that they may already be hounded by paparazzi and the media in general. Respect their privacy. And realize that they’re not doing it to hurt or upset fans; they’re doing it to regain some semblance of a normal, private life.

The passage of time

Age, Musings, Time

What the heck happened to the last 18 years?

I came to the realization recently that it’s been 18 years since I graduated from high school. I am officially old enough to have a kid graduating from high school. (I don’t have any kids, but that’s besides the point). When did this happen?

I remember graduating (vaguely). I remember the first two years of college. I remember house parties and clubs and bars and living the single life. Not that I would trade my stable married life for anything, but it’s weird to think how I’ve settled down and grown up and become a certified adult.

Getting tattoos when there are still bills to be paid? Nah. Going to a bar & getting smashed? Eh, maybe once in a while…if I have a driver. Clubs? Eww. No thanks. I feel out of place and awkward and way too mature to be hanging out in one of those.

So weird. When did I get to be 36? That’s just four years away from 40. Geez.

I wonder what I’ll be doing in four years. Will I still be writing? Will my book(s) be successful? Will I have more art sold? More cosplays? Will I still be at both of my current jobs? I can’t imagine leaving either of them. Will I still be a proud geek? Will I still look young enough to get carded?

Who knows. It’s four years away. That’s, like, forever. Or something. Plenty of time to do the things I want to do. Write another novel or two. Design more cosplays. Paint more, draw more. Keep on workin’. And definitely keep geeking out.

The Proof Is in the Printing

Novel, Self Publishing, Writing

They arrived today! The two hard copies of my novel that I ordered from the print-on-demand service.

They’re here, and they’re gorgeous! I’m so proud–I’m practically bursting! The cover looks professional and the interior smells amazing (as nearly all books do–lol). I’m in awe of the fact that the novel that I spent more than a year writing is here, in my possession, in print, with an ISBN and everything.

Now comes the hard part. I have to learn marketing and figure out how to get this read by more than just friends and family. I think I can do it. I know I can do it. I just need to sit down and get cracking.

Die Hard

Fandom, Geek, Social Media

Fans. Short for “fanatics”…and many fans more than fit the definition of the word. But what makes a fan so crazy for a particular TV show, author, movie, comic book, etc.? What drives a person to extreme levels of love or hatred over fictional worlds and characters?

People who are immersed in fandom take their devotion to almost inhuman levels. They create social media identities that are intertwined with the fandom, often so engrossed in their obsession that their own identity is lost in the madness. Posts with fanfic, fan art, memes, and clips and GIFs of their favorite thing encompass the entirety of their fan profiles, with little to no hint of an individual personality.

There is only the fan.

Now, I’ll admit to being obsessed with certain shows or books. I’m a fan of the new Doctor Who, that’s for sure, and it has become a part of my identity. A small part, but a part nonetheless. Do I become entangled in fan battles about the show and its canon, about whether Rose or River is a better match for the Doctor, about which companion is the “best”? No, not really. Does that make me any less of a fan? Some would say so.

The psychology of fandom is a mystery to me. Then again, I dropped my psychology course in college because the professor was a bore. Lol I still wonder sometimes what kind of personality is drawn to this level of immersion into fantasy worlds. Can a person’s home life really be so bad as to be overwritten by fiction?

I know that I myself had a hard time of things growing up. I became obsessed, in my own way, with certain books or TV shows or comics. I didn’t let them become the entirety of my identity, as some of these fans seem to do, but then again I grew up in the age just before the social media explosion. Are these fandom profiles I’m seeing really as fanatic as they seem? Or are they just secondary profiles, places to escape from the real profile for a few hours a day?

I shudder at the thought that these are, in fact, the fans’ primary profiles. Is social media somehow to blame? There were die-hard fans before social media, that’s for sure. I just wonder how far is too far, and how long it will be before the fandom engulfs the fans.

Seeing stars

Novel, Self Publishing, Social Media, Writing

Out of the three people who have so far purchased my novel (not a lot, I know, but considering I did no promotion ahead of time and only limited posts/tweets since it’s pretty decent), I have gotten two five-star reviews on Amazon.

I know eventually I’ll get some negative reviews; it’s the nature of the business. However, knowing that two thirds of the people who purchased Whispers of Death online had positive experiences with the book is heartening. I worked quite hard on it, and given that it’s my first novel I have high hopes for the next one.

Going to have to research marketing methods. Just tweeting and posting on Facebook isn’t going to be enough. I need to reach out farther. Get more peoples’ attention. Push more.

But dear Gods, I hate research.