That’s one less on the bucket list…

Well, I did it. I conquered my fear of publishing–in a manner of speaking.

I’m still terrified of submitting to editors/agents/publishers, but I have one thing now I can say with pride: I have published a novel. I did it, from start to finish (with a lot of help from a lot of great people–but if you want to know about that, you’ll have to buy the book and read the acknowledgements!).

My writing goal for the year had been to finish the first draft. I blew that goal out of the water in April, and now I have a completed novel online. Amazing how that works. I’ve even started another one (possibly set in the same universe? Haven’t decided that one yet) that I’m going to expand upon during November’s #NaNoWriMo–which starts in a couple of hours for me.

Here is the link to Whispers of Death:

Now, I’m not going to pressure anyone into buying it. I mean, sure, it’s getting to be the holiday season. Christmas is right around the corner. And I’m sure everyone knows somebody who’s into occult/supernatural or urban fantasy fiction.

should be getting some sleep right now, but I’m totally amped about my new publication. Oh, well. It’s not like I sleep a lot as it is 😉

To the Sky

In honor of All Hallow’s Eve, I’m going to post a poem from my book Kamikaze Butterflies entitled “To the Sky.” Happy Halloween, and enjoy!

To the Sky

As we’re born, then so we die;

Sky to Earth, Earth to Sky.

They watch us well, the Lord and Lady

Through summer bright and winter shady.

But time then comes for us to leave

And for our hearts our friends to grieve.

Though thoughts of dead bring pain so deep,

Our memories we hold and keep.

Of times of happiness and regret

And things that haven’t happened yet.

Of chances missed to say good-bye;

All these cause tear-swell in our eye.

But remember this and take good care—

The dead surround you, everywhere.

Fragile bodies die so swift

But this one thought can you uplift:

The Spirit’s everlasting life

Will comfort you in times of strife.

No one ever truly dies.

We simply go back to the Sky.

Lullaby and Good-Day

These early mornings are killing me. A Ritalin, more than half a liter of Soda Stream energy drink, and a cup of coffee (that’s right, I resorted to coffee–which I hate) and I’m still sleepy. I even managed to go back to sleep after my initial early a.m. kitteh-in-my-face wake up call.

If they keep up, it will help with my NaNoWriMo next month. I can type in the morning (imagine the crazy things I’ll write at nothing in the morning!) and again in the evening while my husband is in training for work, so I can hopefully get the word count in every day. 1667 words in a day doesn’t sound like much, but as any author knows there are some days when the words just don’t come.

As a “pantser” (someone who doesn’t really outline but instead just writes by the seat of their pants), I honestly don’t really much know where my story’s going. It’s just going…somewhere. I kind of have a general idea of where it’s going to end up, but I’m not certain. Oh, and I have no clue on the middle. That’s just up in the air. So there’s that.

Some people don’t go for that kind of writing, but it actually helped in my first novel. I had an entire chapter that was completely unplanned, but the character decided to show up at the end of the chapter before to “save the day.” I had no clue he was going to do that, but as I was finishing the book he just showed up and it was one of those light bulb moments where I was like “Of course, this is how this part is going to resolve! It makes perfect sense now.”

But now it’s off to get ready for the day job. Adios.

Frozen in Fear

Querying. For some authors, the bane of their writing careers.

Or maybe that’s just me.

I can’t stress how much I want my first novel to be published by a publishing house rather than on Kindle and/or Createspace. I want it out there. I want it on bookshelves. I want people to buy it and read it and review it and beg for more. Of course I want these things; I’m a narcissist at heart. I want all the credit.

This morning I tried Googling informational blogs and articles on the query process. First let me tell you, an 8 point font at three in the morning is not conducive to learning. I’m good to be seeing single at that time, let alone being able to read smaller print. The synopsis was fairly easy to understand, but when I can’t even read the articles it’s harder to pick up.

Another hindrance to beginning the query process is my sheer terror of querying. It’s irrational, but then again panic attacks are not always rational.

Researching agents is another thing that is holding me back. As with the query letters, I find the task daunting and intimidating. Do I possibly have more of a fear of rejection than I thought I did? I’m well aware that it comes with the territory of writing; you write, you submit, and you wait for the dreaded rejection letter or email. I thought I was past the point of caring about that. I mean, it happens. There’s no avoiding it, so why worry? But, as my psychiatrist pointed out, if I’m not worried about rejection then why am I so apprehensive about sending my work out?

I guess I have to push past this, just like I pushed past my fear of making a corset. It must get done, so it will.


Work of Art Wednesday

It’s time for another Work of Art Wednesday! Once again, I’m going to share a photo of a work of art of mine that is available for sale. As always, you can comment here or message me on one of the social media sites where this posts if you are interested. First come, first serve. 🙂


I call this piece “Old before Her Time.” 11″ x 14″ canvas paper.

From the Bottom of His Heart

He loves me so much, never wanting to be separated

He loves game so much, never wanting to stop

He loves his TV shows so much, never wanting to miss an episode

Some call him nerd or geek

But he is so much more than that

He is a lover, through and through

He loves the things he loves with all of his heart

He loves completely

He loves purely

He loves passionately

There are few who ever achieve this level of love

Total devotion

To all that he holds dear

The Conqueror

Well, I did it. I conquered my fear of screwing up and started on the boning channels for the corset. I actually got everything up to the point of putting in the boning done, and once I have the spiral steel bones it will (hopefully) finally come together.

I have to say to any aspiring cosplayers (or artists, or writers) out there who are apprehensive about getting started: Don’t be! Y’know why I stubbornly refused to use a sewing machine for so long? I was afraid of breaking something, like a needle. Know what happened the first time I tried using my new sewing machine? I broke the damn needle. But I didn’t freak out. I didn’t cry or panic. I got the instruction manual, looked up how to change the needle, and changed it. Boom. Done. The thing I was afraid of happened, and I kept calm and fixed it.

You can do it. Just try. Don’t be afraid. Or be afraid, but don’t let it stop you.


I am embarrassingly behind on my critiques for the Facebook group I’m in. These critiques have helped my writing tremendously. It’s amazing what reading snippets of different writers’ styles will do to help develop your own style.

I used to be able to knock out three or four critiques in a couple of days, but lately it’s taking me longer and longer. I think I’m so bogged down with other writing, cosplay, and art projects that I have trouble focusing.

The Whispers of Death novel is very near to being ready for submission to agents and publishers. It makes me nervous to even think of sending it out. Though I don’t think I’ll be particularly crushed if I get rejections (and I really think I have something worthy of traditional publication), the idea of actually doing this, of getting the process started and making it real is a bit daunting.

The cosplay is coming along nicely. The skirt is started, and self-drafting is tough, but I think I’ll get it figured out. I have a friend who can help me, and I think once I get the corset finished and can see how much belly bulge it sucks in (if any lol), I’ll better be able to finish it to a better fit.

Unfortunately, the art project is stalled worse than the critiques. I’m trying, but I’m artistically “stuck.” I’ve got drawer’s block. I’m thinking of moving on from the latest drawing I’ve started (which is frustrating the hell out of me) and moving on to other characters in order to have more to send in to my client. I think that once I’ve finished with the novel prep I’ll be in a better frame of mind to draw more.

Oh yeah, and I have NaNoWriMo next month. It’s coming up fast, so I need to prep that as well.

Why do I do this to myself? Lol

Flash Fiction Friday: The Dot-Com Match

Mary’s forehead shone with sweat as she stared at her captor. She had no choice but to stare, after all. He had long since flayed the skin from her eyes, pulling the raw muscles of her lids back with rusted wire to hold her eyes open. At first, the streaming tears burned as they rolled down her face; now, there were no more tears to be had, as her eyes had dried up hours ago.

She wanted to scream. She tried to scream. All that came out, though, was a muffled groan.

He had stapled her mouth shut.

When he moved out of her line of sight she cringed. In the mirror directly across from her, she saw strips of skin hanging off her naked body. Barbed wire bound her arms, legs, and head to the chair she sat in. Rivulets of blood covered what was left of her skin.

His form slowly came back into view. He had walked a circle around her, examining his work. She looked into the eyes that she had once found so charming and now saw only a monster.

His online profile had seemed innocent enough. He was young, handsome, athletic…Mary was sure she had found a great catch. Little did she know what lay beneath the surface of those clear blue eyes and sculpted jaw line.

Though she had emptied her bladder earlier when she regained consciousness to see the scalpel aimed at her head, she once again felt the urge to urinate. She knew better, though; the first time, he had doused her mutilated body with salt water collected from the same ocean in which they had swam just hours before the terror began. Mary wasn’t about to make that mistake again. Salt had dried into her crusting wounds, causing fresh pain every time she shifted her weight. She tried not to move…a difficult task when she was being skinned alive, inch by agonizing inch.

Her captor—he had told her his name was Matt, but that could have been a lie—reached over to a table beyond her view and picked up something that sounded like metal. When he brought his arm forward, she saw the object: a large wrench.

This was it. This was the end. He was going to cave her head in, crush it like a melon.

At least the torture would be over.

A wild grin spread across his once-handsome face. He raised the wrench over his head…

…and, with a crack that echoed through the small basement, a hole opened in his forehead, dropping him to the ground.

Yes! she thought. Someone has come to rescue me!

Slowly, a male form came into view. At first, Mary could only see his back. She didn’t care what he looked like, though. All she cared about was freedom.

Then the man turned around.

Once again, she was staring into Matt’s face.

“So sorry,” the other-Matt said. “My twin is something of a psycho.” He reached to the table and picked up something. When Mary saw that it was a pair of wire cutters, her muscles relaxed. He was going to free her.

Other-Matt walked over, a friendly grin on his face. He cut the staples on her lips first.

“Thank you!” she gasped. “I was so scared, I—“

He put a finger to her lips. “Shh,” he said. “You need to save your voice.” He leaned in close, his lips brushing hers before he whispered in her ear. “You see, unlike my brother, I like to hear you scream.”


A little bit of derailment on the cosplay. Not that anything’s going wrong, per se (ok, so I have some seam ripping, cutting, and resewing to do), but I’ve come to the realization that if I don’t get my novel polished and sent out, it’s not likely to get published.

There’s just one little plot wrinkle I need to iron out, then it’s off to write a query letter and send it out into agentland.

Next month is NaNoWriMo, so I can’t waste precious time on the next novel by procrastinating (further) on this one. I have to get it done in the next week or so in order to devote my full attention to my NaNo novel. It shouldn’t be too hard; I already have an idea how I’m going to “fix” the problem. I just need to get to it.

I’m feeling a lot of trepidation when I think of sending out my novel to potential agents or publishers. The weird thing is, I’m not afraid of rejection letters; I’m just anxious about starting the process.

Just a few more days. Then I can get started and, hopefully, not be so nervous.